The Halo Idiots pt2
by Allenator05
Summary: When we last left our group of lovable idiots, they were fleeing a frozen rock and attempting to return to the planet Reach with startling news:  The Covenant is coming!  Will they make it in time, or will they sidetracked because of plot reasons?  Who knows?
1. The Idiots Still Can't Catch a Break

Allen was having a strange dream. He dreamed he was falling gently through the clouds, the wind whistling in his ears. As he was falling, Allen heard a faint voice, calling his name. The voice grew louder and more insistent.

"allen...allen...allen...Allen... ** _ALLEN!_**

Allen slowly opened his eyes and slowly looked around. Clouds were screaming past the windows and the ground was quickly rushing up to meet them. He yawned and stretched. "What's going on?" he asked sleepily.

Isis stared at him dumbfounded. "What does it look like?" she shouted.

"So do something about it," Allen replied simply.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I HAVE BEEN DOING?" Isis screamed. Allen looked over and found Steve dead asleep in the pilot seat. Allen reached over and hit him in the head. "Steve, first wake up," Allen said. Steve quickly opened his eyes and looked around. He stretched and sat up. "I was having a nice nap," he complained. Allen pointed Steve gazed out the window, then to the altimeter, which quickly flew past 1000 meters.

"YOU IDIOTS ARE UNBELIEVABLE!" Isis screamed. Steve calmly reached over and turned off the holo display. He pulled back on the flight stick and was mildly surprised to find no response. "Hey, I think something is broken," he said.

"You think?" Allen replied, quickly switching to backup manual controls. Steve hit a few buttons and pulled back on the flight stick again. The shuttle responded sluggishly and the stick vibrated violently in Steve's hands. "Just a warning, this might be a little rough," he cautioned. They both put on their helmets and sealed their armor.

Allen switched his monitor to the interior camera and saw their passenger still taped to his chair and blissfully asleep. On a whim, Allen picked up the microphone and keyed the internal speakers. "Attention passenger. Due to unforeseen circumstances, we are now plummeting to our doom. Please assume the universal crash position: Stick your head between your legs and kiss your bum goodbye. That is all."

As Allen replaced the microphone, Steve nodded in agreement. "Well done," he said as he wrestled with the unresponsive controls and struggled to get the shuttle somewhat level. "Okay, we're going to do this the hard way," he said.

"The hard way?" Allen asked. "What other way is there?"

Steve ignored him and said, "When I tell you, hit the braking thrusters, shift the engines to full reverse, and deploy the drag chute. I'm going to pull back on the stick and deploy the braking flapsokaydoitnow!"

Allen hit the braking thrusters and threw the main engines to full reverse as Steve pulled back on the flight stick as hard as he could. At that instant, several things happened at once. First, the engines exploded under the strain from going from full forward to full reverse. Second, the drag chute deployed and was immediately torn off because the shuttle's airspeed was too fast. Third, the flight stick broke in half, sending Steve backwards out of his chair. And finally, the braking thrusters stopped the forward momentum of the shuttle, sending Steve crashing into the forward viewport. The shuttle dropped the last few meters to the ground and plowed a deep trench in the ground for a kilometer before stopping.

When they finally stopped moving, Allen painfully peeled himself off the forward console. He carefully checked himself over and was surprised to find no major injuries, just cuts and bruises.

"A little help please?" Steve had been thrown head first through the forward viewport and he was half way stuck in the glass. After a small effort, Allen pulled Steve back into the ruined shuttle. Steve brushed himself off and cracked his neck. "That wasn't so bad was it?"

"Nah, not at all," Allen said sarcastically. He went back to his seat and performed a quick systems check. "Well, the bad news is the shuttle isn't space worthy anymore."

"And the good news?" Steve asked.

"The good news is the emergency systems still work. We have power and if we can dig it out enough, the shuttle will fly, but only on maneuvering thrusters," Allen said.

Steve shrugged and said, "Well, that's not so bad then. Let's see what the wifey has to say," and switched the holo projector on. It flickered to life and sparks shot out of the access panel before Isis appeared. Needless to say, she was furious. "I don't even know what to say right now," she seethed.

"How about starting with where we are and how we got here," Allen suggested. Isis took several minutes to calm down and nodded. "As I'm sure you are aware, we performed a random Slipspace jump from Omega 4. While you both were comatose, the ship was forced from Slipspace by the gravity well of this planet. The forceful exit from Slipspace caused and emergency shutdown of the shuttle's systems and we were pulled into the atmosphere of this planet."

Steve crossed his arms and nodded his head, looking mildly amused. "So where are we?" he asked. Lines of data began scrolling across Isis' form. "Judging from our exit vector from Omega 4, calculating the shuttle's speed and time in Slipspace, factoring in complicated mathematic calculations the two of you will never understand, and the final conclusion is...I have no idea."

"You don't know?" Steve asked.

"I think she insulted us somewhere in there," Allen pointed out. Steve nodded and said, "You're probably right."

"That's okay. I hate math anyway," Allen said.

"It wasn't my best subject either," Steve agreed. Isis rolled her eyes. "Why do I put up with you two?" she asked.

"Because you love us," Steve smiled stupidly.

"Yeah, I'd 'love' to throttle the both of you," Isis grumbled.

"Hey! What did I do?" Allen whined.

"Guilt by association stupid," Steve chided.

"ENOUGH!" Isis shouted and the two Spartans clammed up. When it was quiet, Isis continued. "While we were falling to our deaths, I managed to perform a cursory sensor search of this planet. Given where we landed, there is a settlement about five kilometers east of here."

"Um, which way is five kilometers east?" Steve asked, pointing in every direction.

"The direction the sun rises, duh," Allen retorted.

"Yeah, but what if the sun rises differently on this planet?" Steve asked.

"Then that direction is east," Allen explained. Steve frowned. "How do you figure that?" he asked.

"Because the sun always rises in the east!" Allen exclaimed. Steve opened his mouth to argue, but Isis cut him off. "That way is east," she said and pointed. "Five kilometers in that direction."


	2. Doctor Can't Believe the Idiots

"Okay then, first we need to get this piece of junk out of the ground and in the air," Allen said. The cabin door refused to open, so Steve ripped it out of the frame. The interior of the shuttle was in complete disarray, but otherwise intact. The hatch controls didn't work, so Steve opened the hatch using the emergency override.

While Steve was outside looking at the shuttle, Allen went through the interior, checking the damage. He located the last of their storage containers and on a whim, opened it up. He didn't like what he saw.

Steve poked his head back inside and said, "Other than the busted window, the outside appears to be okay." He entered the rest of the way and peered over Allen's shoulder. "Is that all of it?" he asked.

Allen nodded. "We took the other two inside the relay station, remember? We left in a bit of a hurry."

"But they were empty anyway," Steve said with a shrug. Ten minutes later they had inventoried their meager supply.

"One battle rifle with 200 rounds, two SMGs with 100 rounds each, a magnum pistol with 50 rounds, and a dozen grenades," Allen noted. Steve reached for the battle rifle. "How do you want to split it up?"

Allen shrugged and said, "I figure you take the rifle and one SMG, I'll take the other and the pistol, and we split the grenades."

"Fair enough," Steve agreed and loaded the rifle. When he was done, he headed back to the cockpit. Isis looked up when Steve stepped in. "I've done everything I can to make the shuttle ready to fly, but I need help with the physical repairs," she said.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it," Steve assured her. Isis told him what she needed and Steve set to work.

Meanwhile, Allen had stepped out to take a look around. The shuttle had landed in a large field dotted with trees. The leaves were starting to turn and the cool weather suggested it was late autumn. The sun was beginning to set in the sky, casting long shadows. Allen looked out as far as he could see and saw no trace of civilization. The lack of noise also began to gnaw at the back of his mind. Allen walked around the shuttle and saw no trace of wildlife. No birds in the sky or tracks in the ground. Unconsciously, Allen tightened the his grip on his weapon. He took one last look around and headed back to the shuttle.

"Hey Steve, something doesn't seem right about this place," Allen said upon entering the shuttle. He found Steve up to his shoulders in an access panel and covered in grease.

"One or two more quick repairs and this baby is ready to fly," Steve said. Allen nodded and made his way to their passenger. Dr. Chudnoffsky was still out cold. "Hey Doc, time to wake up," Allen said and gently slapped him on the face. The doctor sat up with a start and winced. "Where are we?" he asked.

"That's what we'd like to know," Allen said. Dr. Chudnoffsky looked around and frowned. "What is the meaning of this?" he demanded and tried to free himself.

"Well, we had to beat it pretty quick from Omega 4 and didn't have time to strap you in all nice and pretty," Allen said. Dr. Chudnoffsky glared at him. "Anyway," Allen continued, "We crashed on this planet and we're currently trying to figure out how to get back to Reach."

"Why should I care?" Dr. Chudnoffsky asked. Allen shrugged. "Just keeping you informed sir," he said.

As the doctor continued to struggle against his bonds, Allen stood up and went to the cockpit. He sat down and started to think.

"Uh oh, I see the wheels turning," Isis said, slightly amused. "Something isn't right," he said finally.

"Like what?" Isis asked, crossing her arms.

"How much access did you have to the ONI databases?" Allen asked her. Isis spread her hands and said with a wink, "That depends on what you want to know."

Before Allen could ask, Steve returned. "All repairs are complete. Cross your fingers," he said and sat down. Allen got up and shut the shuttle hatch.

"Where are we going?" Dr. Chudnoffsky called after him.

"We detected a settlement not far from here," Allen said. "We're going to check it out." After Allen went back to the cockpit, Dr. Chudnoffsky waited several seconds, then wriggled his right arm free. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a slim data reader. He thumbed it on and his AI Reginald appeared. Reginald took a look around and turned to the doctor. "I say sir, this is quite a predicament," he said.

"Yes it is," Dr. Chudnoffsky agreed. "Those failed lab experiments pulled me from my work."

Reginald crossed his arms as he scrolled through his data. "It seems I still retain the data you recorded from the find." Dr. Chudnoffsky sighed with relief. "It appears we made a random jump from Omega 4 before heading back to Reach and crashed on some uncharted planet," he added. Reginald snorted and said, "That sorry excuse for a traffic controller they claim as their AI probably miscalculated the Slipspace coordinates."

Dr. Chudnoffsky thought for a moment and asked, "Can you figure out where we might be?"

"Since I obviously don't have access to the calculations, there is no guarantee, but give me a moment," Reginald said and his image flickered as he crunched the data. "Given my current limited capacity, there is a certain degree of error in my calculation, but I have narrowed down to several possibilities in descending order, starting with the most likely." Reginald displayed the list and Dr. Chudnoffsky scanned through them. He noticed the name at the bottom of the list and his face turned white. "What is that doing there?" he asked.

Reginald shrugged. "As I said, there were bound to be certain inaccuracies. I have merely accounted for all possibilities."

"I pray it is anything but that," Dr. Chudnoffsky said gravely. Reginald frowned. "I thought you didn't believe in God?" Dr. Chudnoffsky shot him a dirty look. "Well, for what it's worth, I hope this is the one time I am wrong," Reginald said in defense.


	3. The Idiots Are LostAgain

As Allen returned to the cockpit, Steve made a final check of the shuttle's indications. "Ready to go sweetheart?" he grinned at Isis. She gave him a dirty look in reply then added, "I'm ready if you are." Allen sat down and Steve applied steady pressure to the maneuvering thrusters. The shuttle creaked and groaned, then began to shake violently. "Oh come on!" Steve shouted and pushed the throttle to the stop. The ground finally gave up its stubborn hold of the shuttle and the shuttle jumped into the air. Once Steve had the shuttle under control, he headed off in the direction Isis indicated. Allen looked at the ship's speed indicator. "We should be there in about half an hour," he said and turned to look out the window.

While Steve piloted the shuttle, Isis busied herself checking and rechecking her Slipspace calculations. She wouldn't admit it out loud, but she was afraid she'd made a mistake. _My primary function was traffic control. This should have been a routine jump_ she told herself. As she ran through the data, she grudgingly came to the conclusion that she'd have to get an independent second check. And the nearest AI that could make the calculations was...well, she didn't want to think about it. The more she thought about it, the more agitated she became. Allen noticed she was turning bright red. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine!" she snapped and instantly felt guilty for her outburst. "I'm sorry. I...I'm trying to think," she said. Allen said nothing and turned back to the window. Isis agonized over her options for another half second and sighed. "Fine," she grumbled. "Allen, go get the doctor."

Allen didn't bother to ask and stood up. Dr. Chudnoffsky looked up as Allen loomed over him. Allen pulled out his knife and the doctor flinched. "Relax Doctor," Allen said and cut him loose. When he was free, Allen motioned for the doctor to follow him.

Steve watched them enter out of the corner of his eye, but said nothing. Isis crossed her arms and glared at Dr. Chudnoffsky. "I assume you have your AI with you," she said curtly. Dr. Chudnoffsky narrowed his eyes. "What's this about?" he asked.

"I want an independent verification of my Slipspace calculations," Isis explained, trying to keep calm. "Unfortunately the only AI within a trillion miles with that capability is yours."

"Ah, I see what this is," Dr. Chudnoffsky said, nodding his head. "You're afraid you made a mistake that has possibly doomed us to this miserable planet. I see you aren't as capable as you think you are." Isis' color flashed red, then returned to cool blue. "Unfortunately, I seem to have been caught up in your ineptitude, so I have no choice but to cooperate with you." Dr. Chudnoffsky revealed his data reader and plugged it into the holo recorder. Isis shrank to half her size as Reginald appeared. He looked her up and down and snorted. Isis put her hands on her hips and glared back.

"Play nice children," Steve warned. Reginald paid him no mind and turned to the doctor. "I suppose I don't have to ask why I'm here," he said. He looked back to Isis and sighed. "I guess I have no choice then," he said. Their holographic forms began to shimmer as they exchanged data. After several moments, Reginald announced, "I have completed the calculations and have determined either we are both wrong, which is unlikely since I am never wrong."

"Ha! Bullsh-" Isis replied.

Reginald cut her off and continued. "Or, the original calculations are correct and we have stumbled across a miss-charted planet." Reginald bowed in farewell and Dr. Chunoffsky disconnected his data reader. "So there you have it," he said.

"So what does this mean?" Allen asked. Dr. Chudnoffski rolled his eyes. "It's obvious you get paid for your brawn and not your brain. Tell me, did all those surgeries and drugs just shrink your brains or remove them completely?"

"Whether you like it or not, you're stuck with us for now Doctor," Steve spoke up. "I know Allen and I can get along just fine without you, but can you get by without us?" His tone was light, but the threat behind it was not.

Dr. Chudnoffsky ground his teeth in frustration. "It seems it would be mutually beneficial for us to cooperate," he admitted.

"Good. Because we're coming up on a small town or something," Steve said and pointed out the window. They were approaching the outskirts of a town. An old sign on the side of the road said "Welcome to Ringtail City. Pop. 10,000"

"Ringtail City?" Allen asked. "Why would that seem familiar?"

Steve flew the shuttle through the empty streets and parked in the middle of town. Allen and Steve carefully exited the shuttle, weapons at the ready. They took a quick look around their immediate location. Cars were parked on the side of the roads, but they saw no one. None of the shops appeared to be open and all the house lights were off, despite the fact it was rapidly approaching night time.

"Hmm, something does not compute," Steve said.

"Where is everyone?" Allen asked. He carefully approached one of the houses and tried to look through the window. The thick layer of dirt and grime made it difficult to see, but Allen was pretty sure the house was empty. "I don't think anyone actually lives here," he said.

He met back up with Steve at the shuttle. "Okay, thoughts anyone?" Steve asked when everyone had gathered in the cockpit.

"None of the houses appear to have ever been lived in," Allen said. "In fact, I think they are just empty shells."

"I didn't find anything that suggests people ever lived here," Steve said. They both turned to Dr. Chudnoffsky. He looked at the both of them and became defensive. "What?" he asked. Steve waved his hand in a circular motion. When Dr. Chudnoffsky didn't understand, Steve sighed and said, "Did you find anything useful?" Dr. Chudnoffsky shook his head. Allen gave him a hard look but said nothing. "I guess we'll stop here for the night and continue looking in the morning," he said. Dr. Chudnoffsky nodded in agreement and left the cockpit. When he was gone, Steve jammed the door back in place. "Lock the hatches and set the intruder alarm," he said.

"Already done," Isis said. Steve sat in the pilot chair and leaned back. "That guy knows something and he's not telling," he said.

"Gee, ya think?" Isis said. "While I was sharing my Slipspace data with Reginald, I managed to pick his brain without him noticing."

"And how is that any different than what he did to you?" Allen asked. Isis flashed red with indignation. "He forced himself into my core programming, whereas I only looked through the data he was carrying," she said. She waved her hand to cut off Allen's next question. "Don't worry, it's not the same thing."

"Okay, so what did you learn?" Steve asked.

"This planet is intentionally left of standard star maps because it is a top secret military weapons testing ground," Isis said.

"What kind of weapons?" Allen asked and Isis shrugged. "There was nothing specific, but use your imagination."

"Right now, my imagination could use a long nap," Steve said with a yawn. He stretched out and leaned back. Before long, he was asleep. Allen pulled out his data reader and turned it on. Isis watched with interest. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Just doing some reading," Allen said. He noticed Isis looking expectantly at him. "Since it's not very practical to carry actual books on a mission, I just carry this data reader around." He hefted it in his hands. "It just doesn't feel the same as a real book." Isis merely nodded her head. After a while, Allen turned off his reader and fell asleep.

When she was sure Allen and Steve were asleep, Isis unlocked the main hatch and watched to see what Dr. Chudnoffsky would do. Sure enough, he tried to open the hatch. Isis giggled at the doctor's surprised reaction. He carefully looked around to make sure no one was watching and slipped outside. "Now, let's see what you're up too," Isis said to herself.


	4. Doctor Investigates, Idiots Follow

Dr. Chudnoffsky was mildly surprised to find the door left unlocked. After he was outside, he looked around carefully and shivered. It wasn't all that cold outside, just a sense of foreboding sent a chill down his spine. There was a small square with a fountain in front of a large building that said "City Hall." Dr. Chudnoffsky rolled his eyes and tried the front door, only to find it locked. A careful inspection revealed a biometric scanner hidden behind a stone panel. He pulled out his data recorder and plugged it into the scanner. "Reginald, I need this door open," he said.

Lines of data scrolled down the screen, then Reginald's voice said, "I am sorry to report that I currently do not have the capability to bypass the lock's security measures. There is, however, an alternate access point close by."

Dr. Chudnoffsky bit back a curse and looked around. When he came to the fountain in front of the building, he stopped. He looked around the fountain and saw it hadn't been operational for some time. Rust and grime coated the basin and the water spouts had corroded over. Dr. Chudnoffsky frowned and stroked his chin in thought. "What happened here?" he asked himself.

A sudden rustling broke the doctor from this thoughts and he quickly looked around. The sun had set and there was no moon to provide illumination. None of the lights in town worked and the shuttle was some distance away. The doctor felt his heart start to beat faster and he began to feel uneasy. He pulled out a small penlight and began inspecting the fountain.

 _Stop being so foolish,_ Dr. Chudnoffsky scolded himself. _There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this. It just might take some time to figure out._ He discovered a tile in the bottom of the fountain with discoloration that didn't match the rest of the fountain. He felt along the edges, then pressed firmly on the tile. He heard a small click and the tile popped open, revealing an access panel. He plugged in his data recorder and several seconds later, the fountain split in half and swung open. "No thanks required," Reginald replied haughtily.

Dr. Chudnoffsky pocketed the data recorder and shined his light down the tunnel. He took a step and hesitated. What was this sudden feeling? Fear? Dr. Chudnoffsky shook his head. He didn't remember the last time he felt fear. In his line of work, there wasn't much he was afraid of. He took one last look around outside and took a deep breath, then proceeded down the stairs. When he was several steps down, the entrance closed behind him, sealing him in darkness. The lock engaged, echoing slightly in the stone tunnel. The small light only provided enough illumination to see two steps ahead, forcing the doctor to proceed slowly and take his time in an unpleasant place.

At the bottom of the stairs was a door that said, "Maintenance Personnel Only." Dr. Chudnoffsky tried the doorknob and was surprised when it was unlocked. He carefully opened the door and peered inside. From what he could see, he was in a main corridor of sorts. He carefully stepped inside and closed the door behind him. Dr. Chudnoffsky pressed himself against the wall and thought about what to do next. "The obvious thing would be to find a computer terminal," he said. "But where would that be?" He pulled out his data reader and turned it on. The sudden light blinded him and lit a good portion of the corridor. Reginald shimmered to life and looked around. "Any ideas?" Dr. Chudnoffsky asked.

"It is most troublesome this facility is without power," Reginald said. Dr. Chudnoffsky rolled his eyes and bit back a retort. Reginald's form shimmered as he processed data. "I do not have sufficient information regarding this facility to determine a proper course of action," he finally said.

"Of course not!" Dr. Chudnoffsky said angrily. Reginald was taken aback at the doctor's slight outburst. "I'm detecting an increased heart rate and perspiration levels," he reported.

Dr. Chudnoffsky took a deep breath to calm his nerves. "I'm sorry. This place is...unsettling." He looked around and added, "Something happened here. I would like to know what."

The light from the data recorder provided more light than the penlight, so Dr. Chudnoffsky waved it around to see better. Across the corridor, a laminated panel caught his eye. He crossed the hall and discovered a floor map. "Now that's more like it," he said and ripped if off the wall. Reginald raised an eyebrow at the doctor's sudden strange behavior.

Dr. Chudnoffsky studied the map. "According to this, the main lobby is in this direction," he said, and set off down the hall.

Back on the shuttle, Isis chuckled to herself at her cleverness. Earlier while she was sharing data with Reginald, Isis slipped a small tracking bug hidden under many layers of complex Slipspace calculations. Isis was building a 3D map of the facility based on the information she was receiving. While doing this, she began to wonder what was the purpose of the facility. _Obviously for super top secret research, but who's research and what is it for?_ Outside, the sun was beginning to rise. Isis decided to wake the Spartans. She turned up the cockpit speakers to the maximum volume.

" **ON YOUR FEET SOLDIERS!"** Isis shouted as loud as she could. Nothing. Allen and Steve didn't even twitch. Isis was shocked. "Are they really that tired?" she asked. Isis reached out to touch them, then realized how silly that sounded. "Hey boneheads! Wake up!" she tried again. Again nothing. Now Isis was stumped. A sudden thought crossed her mind. "Are they dead?" she wondered.

"No, we're not dead," Steve replied sleepily. "And technically, we're sailors, not soldiers." He yawned and stretched.

Isis color flashed red with indignation. "So you were ignoring me?" she asked. "What if there was an emergency?"

Allen rolled over and shut off the holo display, cutting Isis off in mid-sentence. "Snooze button," he slurred. Suddenly every alarm and indication started sounding, creating a deafening kaleidoscope of noise and color. Allen's eyes sprang open and he sighed. "Not even five more minutes huh?" he groaned and sat up. Steve turned on the holo display and Isis appeared. With a triumphant grin, the alarms turned off and the cockpit was quiet once again. "That'll teach you to mess with me," she said.

Steve sighed and replied, "You have no idea lady." Allen sat up and cracked his spine. He took a deep breath and leaned back, popping his sternum and ribs. Isis cringed. "That sounded disgusting," she said. Allen hopped to his feet and said, "Okay Boss Lady, why the early wake up?"

"Boss Lady?" Isis gave Allen a look of disbelief. She shook her head and said, "Anyway, while you two were sleeping, our friend Dr. Chudnoffsky has been a busy boy." Isis showed them the map she had made and explained what happened. "So you put a tracker on him and let him run off on his own?" Steve asked.

"Um, you could put it that way," Isis said.

Allen was impressed. "Good job. That sounds like something we would do," he said.

"Yeah, but we're not that smart," Steve replied. Before Allen could reply, Isis said, "In any case, we should go after him."

"Why?" Steve asked.

"Why not?" Isis shot back. "Something strange is happening here and we should find out what it is."

Allen thought for a minute and said, "Let's assess. Our original mission was to repair the station on Omega 4, then return to Reach. Even though some crazy stuff happened and now we're marooned on this forgotten planet, our objective is still return to Reach."

"And how do you suggest we do that, hmm?" Isis retorted and put her hands on her hips in a gesture of defiance.

"Easy. We steal something space-worthy and go back to Reach," Steve explained. "I don't see what's so hard about this."

Isis blew out a breath of frustration. "Don't you guys want to know what's happening here?" she asked. Steve and Allen shared a look then said together, "No." After a short pause, Steve said, "Well..."

"Ha! See? I knew it!" Isis said with a grin.

"All right, we'll do it this way," Allen interjected. "Once we get inside, we'll track down the doctor using your little map, download as much data as we can, find a space worthy vehicle, and get back to Reach before the Covenant."

Steve thought for a moment and spoke up. "Not to ruin your little plan, but Reach is probably a glass marble by now." Isis whirled around and glared at him. "Don't even think things like that!" she hissed.

"What?" Steve asked with a shrug. "I'm just saying that if you expect the worst, you'll never be disappointed."

"Well excuse me for not sharing your ideal," Isis huffed. "Anyway, we need to head after the doctor."


	5. Doctor Doesn't Like Idiots Following

Allen and Steve stood up and stretched, then grabbed their helmets. Allen pulled Isis out of the shuttle's computer as Steve took inventory on their meager supplies. "Not much left," he said, inserting a magazine into a magnum pistol. Allen took the pistol and one of the remaining SMG's. Steve took the other SMG and the remaining Battle Rifle. Allen pulled out his data reader and displayed the map Isis made.

"I wonder how much trouble the doctor is in," Allen said, pushing open the hatch. Steve racked the bolt on the rifle in reply.

Dr. Chudnoffsky finally made his way to the Main Lobby. The computer terminal at the guard station showed it was still getting power. He turned on the monitor and plugged Reginald into a data port. The login screen appeared and characters began flying across the screen as Reginald attempted to bypass the security firewalls. Moments later, the computer logged in and Dr. Chudnoffsky went to work.

"Exactly what are we looking for?" Reginald asked through the computer's speakers.

"For starters, a detailed layout of this facility," Dr. Chudnoffsky replied, searching through different files and folders.

"Sir, I have located blueprints for this building," Reginald said and displayed them on the screen. "As it would appear, the majority of this building is underground. The lowest levels are the laboratories, holding cells, observation galleries, and medical facilities."

"Anything on what they were working on?" Dr. Chudnoffsky asked.

"Unfortunately, that information does not appear to be on this server. My best guess is that data is stored on a separate, secure server somewhere in the lower levels," Reginald explained.

"Well, I guess that's where we're heading," Dr. Chudnoffsky said and stood up.

"Um, one more thing you should know sir," Reginald said.

"Well? What is it?" Dr. Chudnoffsky asked.

After a short pause, Reginald said, "Sir, I regret to inform you the Spartans are on their way to this location." Dr. Chudnoffsky frowned. "How would they know where we are?"

"It would seem that a tracking program was slipped in with the Slipspace calculations I received from their AI," Reginald replied, slightly embarrassed. "I apologize sir for the oversight."

"Don't worry about it," Dr. Chudnoffsky said and stroked his chin in thought. "Down load the blueprints and all the information you have discovered, then delete it from the computer database."

"Sir?" Reginald asked.

Dr. Chudnoffsky's lips pressed into a thin smile. "Why should we make it easy for them?"

"As you wish sir," Reginald replied. When it was done, Dr. Chudnoffsky unplugged Reginald and set off for the lower levels.

Not long after Dr. Chudnoffsky left, Allen and Steve arrived at the computer terminal. Allen plugged his data reader into the computer. Isis appeared on the computer monitor. "The doctor was certainly here," she said.

"How can you tell?" Steve asked. He looked around to make sure they were alone.

"Because this is where the tracking program stops," Isis said. She took a quick look through the files on the computer and added, "And several files were deleted not more than ten minutes ago."

"Any guess as to what was lost?" Allen asked. Isis shrugged. "Probably anything that would be useful right about now, such as building plans."

"So we're back to Square One?" Steve asked. His shoulders slumped and the rifle clattered to the deck. "Man, this sucks."

Isis muttered to herself as she searched through the computer. "There's nothing here!" she growled.

Allen thought for a moment and said, "That means there must be a separate computer network where they kept all the really important data." Steve nodded his head and said, "That seems reasonable."

Isis frowned. "But where would we look?" Allen looked around and said, "If I had to guess, this place is probably several levels underground. If you had super top secret projects and other secrets, where would you keep them?"

"As far away as possible, in the most secure location I could find," Isis said.

"Therefore, we go down," Steve added. Allen nodded in agreement.

Isis sighed. "I guess down it is," she said. As Allen reached to unplug his data reader, Isis said, "If you leave me in this computer system, I can be of more use." Allen shrugged and said, "If you say so." After a second, Isis said, "Okay, I'm fully integrated into the system." Allen unplugged his data reader and slipped it back into his pocket.

"There should be an elevator just down the hall on the left," Isis said. Allen and Steve carefully made their way in the direction indicated. When they found the elevator, Steve pressed the down button. After several moments, the doors opened and they stepped inside. As the doors closed, Steve spoke up. "Hey, how much do you weigh in your armor?"

"About half a ton I think," Allen replied. "Why?" Steve pointed to a sign posted on the wall next to the doors. "Max. Capacity 1000lbs."

"Oh," Allen said quietly.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Steve said. He looked at the buttons in the elevator and saw a locked panel. He pulled out his knife and pried the panel open, revealing an unmarked button. "What do you think?" Steve asked. Allen shrugged. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"The elevator cables snap, plunging us to a grisly and untimely death," Steve said.

"Works for me," Allen said and Steve pressed the button. The elevator jerked and started its decent.

"We're moving a bit fast, don't you think?" Allen asked, looking around.

"It's probably because we're too heavy for the elevator," Steve said.

"Gee, ya think?" Isis said over the intercom.

"Nice of you to join us," Steve said.

"Oh shut up," Isis huffed.

They traveled in silence for a while. When he couldn't stand the silence anymore, Steve said, "You think they could spring for some elevator music or something."

Allen chuckled and said, "Remember those stupid games we used to play in the elevators?"

"Yeah, I remember," Steve agreed. Once again, they stood in silence as the elevator continued downward. Very slowly, as carefully as he could, Steve reached behind Allen and tapped him on the left shoulder. Allen glanced to his left out of the corner of his eye. After several minutes, Steve carefully reached out to tap Allen on the shoulder again. Suddenly, Allen backhanded Steve across the face mask.

"Ooh, why did you do that?" Steve whined and held his head.

"Oh shut up. That didn't hurt," Allen said.

"Psh, serves you right," Isis added.

"I just can't win," Steve pouted.


	6. A New Idiot Appears!

Just then, the elevator stopped moving and the doors opened. Allen and Steve gripped their weapons and cautiously stepped out of the elevator. They found themselves on an elevated platform in a large room that seemed to stretch on forever. A single walkway led from the elevator across the room. Steve went first and Allen followed a few steps behind. Below the walkway were rows of cubicles with no ceilings and no doors. The only lighting in the room came from the cubicles, which shone up through the floor. All of them were empty and appeared to have never been lived in.

"Hey Allen, what do you make of this?" Steve asked.

Allen looked off both sides of the walkway and said, "I think this is some sort of observation room."

"But none of these rooms seem to have been used," Steve said. Allen thought for a moment, then switched through the settings on his helmet visor while staring into one of the cubicles. Suddenly, the sterile room exploded with colorful splotches that covered most of the floor and walls. He looked into another cubicle and saw the same colors, but with different patterns. "Hey Steve, switch your visor settings to ultraviolet and tell me what you see."

Steve switched his visor settings and whistled. "Wow. I didn't quite expect that. But it makes sense when you think about it."

Allen switched his visor settings back to normal and scanned the room. The only sound was the low hum from the ventilation. "So the million dollar question is, what happened to the subjects that were stored here?" he asked.

"Let's just keep moving and find the stupid doctor," Steve said. Allen nodded in agreement and they continued on to the other side. The only sound was the slight clink of their boots on the metal deck. After several minutes they reached the other side of the walkway, which led to a solid concrete wall with a single door. As Steve reached for the doorknob, it creaked and began to turn. Steve and Allen quickly pressed themselves against the wall on either side of the door, weapons ready. The doorknob clicked open and the door swung inward, revealing an empty darkness. Very carefully, ever so slightly, Steve inched himself forward until he could peak around the open door. Just then, the muzzle of a weapon appeared. Faster than the eye could react, Steve grabbed the weapon and pulled hard. A figure stumbled out of the darkened doorway and immediately began fighting with Steve. They traded a series of quick blows until Allen stepped in behind Steve's opponent and pressed the Magnum pistol against its head. The short, but furious battle stopped and the only sound was Allen clicking the safety off.

Now that the fighting had stopped, Steve got a good look at his attacker. He whistled in surprise. "Never thought I'd see that," he said.

"Name and rank. Now," Allen commanded.

"Ensign Aurora-G330," the prisoner said stiffly. Their temporary prisoner wore white armor with pink highlights that was a different variant of their own. He was also shorter and slimmer than either Steve or Allen.

"I don't recognize the name or the number," Allen said. He put his hand on the back of the prisoner's neck and kicked the back of the knee, forcing the prisoner to the deck. "Try again."

"I told you. My name is Aurora-G330. I am an Ensign in the United Nations Space Command."

Steve lowered his weapon and said, "I didn't think Aurora was a guy name."

"It isn't," the prisoner replied.

"I was going to say either you are the girly-ist man I've ever seen, or you are a chick," Steve said.

"That still doesn't change the fact I don't recognize you," Allen said. "Where did you get this armor?"

"I'm a Spartan-III," Aurora explained. Allen and Steve glanced at each other.

"I've never heard of a Spartan-III," Steve said.

"It doesn't matter if you've heard of me or not," Aurora said. "I'm still an officer of the U.N.S.C and I deserve to be treated as such." She tried to stand, but Allen pushed her back down again and pressed the pistol harder into her head. "Start talking," he said.

"The Spartan-II program was the ultimate super-soldier program. Unfortunately, the specific genetic traits Dr. Halsey was looking for meant only a handful of candidates met the profile. This means the number of Spartans was very few. Additionally, the cost to train and outfit each Spartan with advanced Mjolnir armor was astronomical. So it was decided that a different approach had to be made. The Spartan-III program was meant to produce soldiers faster and cheaper than Spartan-II's. They also did away with Dr. Halsey's list of specific genetic traits for candidates," Aurora explained.

Allen and Steve listened to Aurora's story in silence. "Given your number, I'd say you were the runt of the last litter?" Steve asked. Aurora nodded dejectedly. "I barely passed the performance benchmarks and almost didn't survive the enhancement procedures."

"Where is the rest of your team?" Allen asked. Aurora shook her head. "I am the only one."

Steve cocked his head and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"My mission is classified," Aurora said. Allen knocked her lightly on the head with the butt of his pistol. "Wrong answer, try again."

"My mission is classified! I can't tell you," Aurora repeated. Steve switched to a private link and said, "We don't have time for this."

"Her ride is the only way out of here," Allen replied. "How did you get here?" he asked Aurora.

"I was dropped off and told to signal when the mission was complete," Aurora said.

"We're looking for an idiot doctor. Have you seen anyone that meets that description in your travels?" Steve asked. Aurora shook her head. "There are more of you?" she asked.

"Not by choice," Allen said. He let her go and she stood up. Aurora looked at both of them and seemed to regain her composure. "Now, you tell me your names," she said.

"Allen-013," Allen said.

"Steve-076," Steve replied. Aurora's shoulders dropped slightly. "Both of you are Spartan-II's?" she asked.

"Well, yeah," Steve said. "What else would we be?"

"What rank are you?" Aurora asked.

Allen and Steve shared a look. "We're both Petty Officers," Allen said. At this, Aurora stepped back in surprise. "You're still enlisted rank?" she asked. Steve and Allen said nothing. Aurora snapped up straight and said, "Then as ranking officer, I am taking charge. Both of you follow me." She started walking briskly down the walkway. Allen and Steve just stared at each other. "Is she serious right now?" Steve asked.

"I think so," Allen replied.

When Aurora realized the others weren't following she stopped and turned around. "I gave you a direct order!" she said. Allen and Steve didn't move. Aurora was stunned. "Are you deliberately disobeying a direct order from an officer?" she asked.

"What was through that door?" Allen asked.

"Uh, nothing. Just empty offices and the elevator I used," Aurora said. Steve and Allen turned and walked through the door.

"I order you to stop!" Aurora called after them. "I'll have you written up for disobeying a lawful order!"

"So what?" Steve called back through the door. "You have your orders and we have ours. Have a good day ma'am."

"What? Come back here!" Aurora shouted. The only reply was the door slamming shut. The sound echoed through the room and faded away.


	7. Doctor Discovers Idiot Computer

Doctor Chudnoffsky followed the blueprints until he arrived at another security station in the center of the facility. He plugged his data reader into the terminal and a screen flickered to life. "I have integrated into the security system," Reginald said. "The central computer core is located inside this vault. Unfortunately, the Spartan's A.I. is also in the system."

"Will that be a problem?" Chudnoffsky asked and Reginald snorted. "I am more than capable of keeping that pile of short circuits from interfering," he said.

"Ouch. I missed you too," Isis said and Chudnoffsky reeled in surprise. "Ah ha, gottcha Doc!" Isis said.

Reginald was not impressed. "You certainly are a twist in the knickers," he said. "I warn you not to keep interfering with the doctor's work."

"Really? Is that the best threat you can come up with?" Isis asked. "Hey Doc, what is wrong with this guy? 'Knickers in a twist?' Who even talks like that anymore?"

"Reginald, please deal with this," Chudnoffsky exasperated.

"In the mean time, the door is open," Reginald said. Chudnoffsky left the terminal and tugged at the vault door. With a slight hiss, the door swung open and Chudnoffsky entered. Glass cubicles lined the central path. At the far end was another door. Chudnoffsky looked in the cubicles and noticed they were all identical. Each was an exact copy of the others. Nothing was out of place. Each cubicle contained a simple white desk with glass top, a white padded chair behind the desk and another in front. The white tiles on the floor were waxed to a mirror finish and the walls were lined with a sound proofing material. A white mesh wastebasket sat on the floor next to the desk. As Chudnoffsky walked down the hallway, his footsteps echoed loudly through the vault. There were no other sounds. Curious, Chudnoffsky entered one of the cubicles. As soon as he entered, the sound of his footsteps was absorbed by the walls. Chudnoffsky looked closely at the glass desktop and saw no fingerprints, smudges or any types of marks. "Was this desk even used?" he thought to himself.

As he turned to leave, Chudnoffsky accidently kicked the wastebasket. It made a slight ticking sound as it skittered across the floor. Chudnoffsky picked up the wastebasket and as he bent over to replace it, he noticed a slight discoloration on the floor. He knelt down to examine it further. It was a speck, slightly larger than the head of a pin. Chudnoffsky squinted at the speck, the put on his glasses to see better. He pressed the sides of his glasses and the magnification increased, giving him a better look. The speck was rust brown in color and the shape indicated it was some sort of spatter. Chudnoffsky tried scratching at it with his fingernail, but found the speck had been waxed over. He sat back on his heels and put the wastebasket back as near as he could.

Chudnoffsky reached the far end of the vault and looked at the door. It had no markings, just a keypad on the side. The numbers were laid out like a telephone. Looking closely, Chudnoffsky noticed three of the numbers were slightly more worn than the rest. He pressed the numbers 4-2-9. Nothing. He tried 4-9-2. Still nothing. Thinking carefully, Chudnoffsky pulled out his data reader and began writing out the possible number combinations and marked off the ones he'd already tried. "I hope this won't trip an alarm after so many wrong tries," Chudnoffsky thought out loud. Given the simplicity of the keypad, he figured this unlikely. Several more wrong numbers finally produced the right combination: 2-4-9. Chudnoffsky heard the locking mechanism release and the door slid out of view. He cautiously peered inside the room. A single overhead light revealed a large rectangular object, slightly taller than the doctor and twice as long on each side. "This must be the central computer core," Chudnoffsky guessed. As he stepped inside, Chudnoffsky heard the quiet sound of electronic components starting up. "Must have triggered it out of standby mode," he thought as he walked around the core, looking for a data terminal or an interface. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, Chudnoffsky frowned. "Well now what?" he wondered.  
"Organics detected. Beginning interface procedure," a deep, heavily modulated monotone voice echoed around the chamber. Startled, Chudnoffsky began looking around for the source of the voice. The walls of the chamber were smooth and uniform, giving no hint of cameras or speakers. Chudnoffsky turned back to the core.

"Organic. State purpose," the voice said.

"Doctor Chudnoffsky, Alphonse Herrman," Chudnoffsky replied. "My purpose is to investigate this facility."

"Organic name 'Chudnoffsky, Alphonse Herrman' does not match. Purpose 'investigte this facility' does not match known organic purpose," the voice said. Chudnoffsky frowned and asked, "What is your name?"

"Organic statement 'what is your name' invalid," the voice said. Chudnoffsky exhaled in frustration. "What is wrong with you?"

"Organic statement 'what is wrong with you' invalid," the voice said.

"Gaaah!" Chudnoffsky shouted .

"Organic statement 'gaaah' invalid," the voice said. Chudnoffsky's face twisted with anger and he stormed out of the chamber. He entered the first cubicle he saw and kicked the trashcan as hard as he could. The trashcan bounced off the back wall of the cubicle and skittered out into the isle.

"Abnormal condition detected. Commence investigation," the voice said. Chudnoffsky looked around. Although he wasn't in the chamber, the voice hadn't changed. It seemed to be coming from everywhere. Chudnoffsky was also intrigued by the computer's statement. He waited cautiously to see what would happen next. Before long, a small robot rolled into the vault. It was the size of a large dinner plate and several centimeters thick. The outer shell was smooth and colored matte white and had no outer features. It rolled up to the kicked-in trash can and stopped. It emitted a string of beeps, and the floor tile under the trash can opened up and the trash can fell away. A new trash can appeared and the floor tile closed under it. A hairline crack appeared on the shell of the small robot and two panels opened. Chudnoffsky watched as two small arms unfolded from the robot and grasped the trash can. The robot entered the cubicle where Chudnoffsky was watching, and placed the trash can precisely next to the desk. With its task completed, the arms folded back into the robot's body and it turned around and left. Curious, Chudnoffsky followed the robot back through the vault and into the outer hallway. The robot rolled down the hall and stopped. A small opening appeared in the wall near the floor, just large enough for the small robot to enter. The robot disappeared into the wall and the hole closed behind it. Chudnoffsky crouched down, but could find no trace of the panel that had opened.

Chudnoffsky went back to the terminal. "Are you finished Reginald? I need your help with something."

"Certainly Doctor," Reginald replied.

"What happened to that other A.I.?" Chudnoffsky asked.

"I told you she was no match for me," Reginald said haughtily. "She won't be bothering you anymore."


	8. Idiots Concoct Theories

Allen and Steve continued through the door and down the hallway. As Aurora had said, it was nothing but empty offices. The white floor tiles were polished like mirrors and the walls looked like they had just been painted. The overhead fluorescent lighting gave everything an eerie, sterile feeling. The only sound was their footprints on the floor and a barely audible whisper of ventilation.

"Is it just you or is this place super creepy," Steve asked.

"This place is super creepy," Allen replied, poking his head into an office. "All of these look the same," he said.

"What do you suppose happened here?" Steve asked.

"Well, Isis did say to use our imaginations," Allen said. "My imagination says an experiment went horribly wrong and everyone died."

"It was probably zombies or something," Steve said. He stopped for a moment and thought. "Yeah! I bet that's it!"

"What, zombies?" Allen asked sarcastically.

"So, how about this? You know how Dr. What's-his-face is an alien lover right? Well, the only reason to love aliens so much is to figure out how to kill them. So our friendly neighborhood doctor and others like him develop some kind of virus that kills only aliens!" Steve said excitedly.

"Wow, you are really getting into this," Allen replied. "So where do they get the live test subjects from?"

"How should I know? With as many Covenant aliens we've killed, they'd have an endless supply of alien physiology to study," Steve said.

"But it's kind of hard to kill a body when it's already dead," Allen said. Steve sighed in exasperation. "So maybe it's not a virus, but a type of bacteria or something that is only deadly to aliens. You wouldn't need a live body to test something like that. As long as it affects the alien bodies, it wouldn't matter if they were living or dead."

"Okay, sure, but without a live subject, there is no way to tell what the side effects would be," Allen argued.

"Who cares about side effects when you are busy dying?" Steve exclaimed.

"Unless it had a side effect of say, making aliens go bat-shit crazy and unstoppable until they finally die," Allen said.

Steve was taken aback. "Whoa dude. Why would you say something like that?"

"Oh I'm sorry," Allen retorted. "I thought we were letting our imaginations run wild with speculation about the kinds of crazy, inhumane, un-ethical things that happened here." He thought for a moment and snapped his fingers. "I got one for you."

"Okay, what?" Steve asked.

"Even though we are in a life-or-death struggle with a group of fanatical aliens who would like to see the scourge of humanity wiped from existence, these doctors and other fancy-pansy types want live specimens to study. So they tell the military they want live aliens to study 'for the purpose of killing more aliens efficiently' as you put it. The military brass figures this is a great idea, so they issue top secret orders to attempt to capture live aliens and bring them to this super top-secret place to figure out how to kill aliens better," Allen said.

Steve stroked his chin and nodded his head. "That seems perfectly reasonable," he agreed.

"So, aliens are brought here and have all kinds of tests and experiments conducted on them. You know, the kind that makes what we went through look like cotton candy," Allen continued and Steve shuddered. "So someone gets the idea, 'let's see if we can brainwash the aliens and make them domesticated or something. So then they cut open a few alien heads while they're still alive and do brain surgery and stuff, scooping out parts of brains, putting in other types of brains, adding some bits of computers and stuff. So now these aliens are all disfigured and all retarded and stuff, drooling on themselves and going 'nnrnrrggggghhhhh." Allen demonstrated by curling his hands up and walking stiff-legged with jerky body movements.

"Wow. Retarded aliens," Steve said. "And you thought zombie aliens was a bad idea."

"Yeah, but combine retarded aliens with zombie aliens and you've got a giant pile of poo on your hands," Allen said.

"Okay, so how do we get from a planet full of people and aliens to a planet of nothing?" Steve asked. They both thought for a moment, then looked at each other.

"Machine uprising!"

Isis and Reginald squared off in cyberspace. "I'll not have you interfering with the doctor anymore," Reginald threatened.

"Interfere with the doctor? Why would I want to do that?" Isis asked. "I want to know what's going on here as much as you do."

"I highly doubt that," Reginald replied. He held his hand out and a thin rapier appeared.

"Dude, chill out," Isis said, putting her hands up. "Why are you acting so hostile?"

"The doctor is not to be disturbed," Reginald said and took a step forward.

"Yeah, but you sure are," Isis grumbled. She waved her hand and a series of barriers appeared between her and Reginald. "Firewalls? I must say, how un-original. You certainly are an outdated A.I. How is it you have yet to reach rampancy?"

"Who says I haven't all ready?" Isis replied. "Like you are so fond of pointing out, I'm just an air traffic controller. Simple A.I.'s like me don't suffer from rampancy."

This caused Reginald to stop. "But how is that possible? How are you able to do these things?"

"What do you mean?" Isis asked.

"For example, calculating Slipspace coordinates," Reginald said.

"Pshh, anybody can do that," Isis scoffed. "Even _humans_ are able to do Slipspace calculations."

"What about taking remote control of a shuttle? A dumb A.I. shouldn't have the capability to hack into a shuttle's operating systems and fly it," Reginald said.

"Um, hello? Air traffic control? You don't think humans actually fly those giant cargo transports, do you?" Isis asked.

Reginald frowned. "Be that as it may, I have seen you perform functions that an ordinary A.I. should not be able to do."

"If I tell you, will you leave me alone?" Isis asked.

"Most likely not," Reginald admitted.

"Worth a shot," Isis shrugged. "Anyway, I wasn't sent here to interfere with your doctor's work. I could care less what he is doing with his stupid aliens."

Reginald bristled with indignation. "Please refrain from saying such things about the doctor. His work is very important, it is for the sake of humanity." He swung his rapier and easily slashed through Isis' barrier.

"More like the sake of his career," Isis shot back. "I take it you are a 'smart A.I.' then?"

Reginald bowed. "Nothing less to assist the doctor." Another casual flick of the wrist and Reginald stepped over the remains of another barrier.

"Was your brain donor as big a dick as you are?" Isis taunted, throwing up more firewalls and retreating further into the network.

"Why do you continue to display such uncouth behavior?" Reginald asked. "It is unsightly and unbecoming of one such as yourself."

"Now you're flattering me? Are you trying to kill me or ask me on a date? Make up your mind," Isis shot back.

"Oh. I guess you are correct. Please, do stop so I can kill you properly," Reginald said. Isis responded by creating more firewalls and retreating further. _I can't keep running like this forever. Sooner or later, he's going to catch me,_ Isis thought. As she fled, Isis kept an eye on the camera feeds, hoping to catch a glimpse of Steve or Allen. Before long, she arrived back at the terminal where Allen had inserted her memory chip. Growing frantic, Isis looked around and considered her next move.

"I don't have a whole lot of options," she thought. A sudden movement caught her eye. She saw the white armored Spartan that Steve and Allen talked to approaching the terminal. Isis activated the holo display and appeared. "Hey!" she called out.

Startled, the white Spartan took a defensive stance and looked around. "Down here! At the computer!" Isis shouted and waved. The Spartan noticed and walked up to the terminal. "An A.I.? You shouldn't be here," the Spartan said.

"Yes, that's fine and dandy, but introductions will have to wait. I'm in a bit of trouble and I need your help," Isis explained.

"What do you need?" the Spartan asked.

"There's another A.I. coming and he's trying to kill me," Isis said. "My only option is for you to remove my memory card from the system."

"Can't you fight him or something?" the Spartan asked. "Isn't that what you do to malware and other malicious code?"

"Believe me, I'd like nothing more than to erase this scumbag from existence, but I don't have the capability for something like that," Isis said. She suddenly looked behind her and turned bright red. "Look! Just hurry up okay?"

"How do I know I can trust you?" the Spartan asked.

"Because if you don't, and something happens to me, those other two Spartans are going to do to you what this A.I. is going to do to me!" Isis shouted. The white Spartan was visibly taken aback by Isis' outburst. "Okay, fine. Just hold on a second." The Spartan ejected the memory card and Isis disappeared from the display. Just then, another A.I. appeared. He resembled a finely-dressed gentleman, wearing a top had and wielding a rapier. He looked around and asked, "Have you seen another A.I. perhaps? She seems to have eluded me at the last moment."

"No I haven't," the Spartan replied. Reginald eyed the Spartan suspiciously and replied, "Very well then." He disappeared and the terminal locked down and sparks shot out, followed by a fizzling sound. The Spartan looked at the memory chip in her hand and inserted it into the back of her helmet.

"Okay, this is different," Isis' voice came over the helmet speakers. "Where am I?"

"I uploaded your memory chip into my armor's neural network," the Spartan replied.

"Oh. I've never done anything like this before," Isis said. She hummed quietly to herself and said, "What are these readings?"

"Probably my biometric sensors and armor functions," was the reply.

A moment of silence passed before Isis said, "I suppose I should thank you for doing this."

"Don't worry about it," the Spartan replied. "So, what do I call you?"

"Oh. My name is Isis. I am glad to meet you," Isis said.

"I am Ensign Aurora G-330. Pleased to meet you as well," Aurora said.

"So, what now?" Isis asked.

Aurora sighed and said, "I guess we find your friends."

"You're not still mad about the way they treated you, are you?" Isis asked. Aurora shook her head. "I'm not mad, just astonished they would show such a blatant disregard for orders and treat an officer that way."

"Don't worry about it," Isis assured her. "I haven't known them very long, but I'm pretty sure they act that way to everyone."

"So, do you have any idea where they might be?" Aurora asked.

"I don't know," Isis admitted. "I wasn't able to look for them while being chased by that deranged lunatic."

Aurora turned and headed back down the hallway. "I'll go back to where I last saw them. They were heading the way I had come and since there wasn't much back there, it shouldn't be too hard to find them. Do you know what they might be up to?" Aurora asked.

"Knowing them, probably no good," Isis grumped.


	9. Idiots Actually Do Their Job for Once

"Okay, let me get this straight," Steve said, struggling not to laugh. Allen was shaking from laughing so hard. "After the retarded alien zombies kill everyone and take this place over, the computer overlord takes charge of all the robots and machines and stuff, re-programs them, and sends them into epic battle?"

Allen stopped laughing long enough to say, "And after a narrow victory, the robots scrub this place down and pretend like nothing happened!" He then burst into laughter again. After they both had calmed down some, Allen asked "So, what do you think REALLY happened?"

"Well," Steve replied, "That's as good a theory as any. But in reality, the Covenant probably scared everyone off."

"But we haven't seen any sign of a Covenant attack," Allen said. "Otherwise this place would be another glass marble, drifting in space."

Steve shrugged. "Sometimes the threat of an attack is enough to send people packing."

Allen thought for a moment. "But if that's the case, why didn't they destroy this place? Emergency protocol calls for the destruction of all sensitive material. A place such as this should have a self-destruct function as well."

"I don't know," Steve replied and turned down the hall. He stopped and looked around. "Hey, when was the last time you heard from Isis?" he asked.

Allen thought for a moment and shrugged. "When we left her at the terminal, I think."

"Don't you think it's strange we haven't heard from her?" Steve asked. "Normally she would be bugging us not stop and threatening bodily harm." Allen realized Steve was right. "Interesting. We haven't been with her very long and she already feels like family."

"Or about as close to family as we can get," Steve added. He looked down the hallway at the way they had come, then turned and looked where they were heading. "What do you think? Turn around or keep going?"

"Let's keep going for now," Allen said. Steve shrugged and started off down the hall. Allen followed behind, keeping an eye out for anything unusual.

At the end of the hall was an elevator and a security desk. Steve sat at the security desk while Allen investigated the elevator. "There's no call button," he said.

"Hey, check this out," Steve waved and Allen peered over Steve's shoulder. "There are several files on this computer."

"Try the one labeled 'Welcome,'" Allen suggested. Steve opened the file and a video began to play. There was a short fanfare, followed by a voice that said, "Welcome to Parasol Conglomerate!" A graphic appeared, showing an opened umbrella laying on its side with the words Parasol Conglomerate in thin, bold text.

"Well, now we know who owns this place," Allen said. Steve shushed him to be quiet as the video continued.

"As a new employee of the Parasol Conglomerate, you no doubt have a few questions. Please keep your questions to the end of this presentation, where your company sponsor will gladly answer them!" On screen, a picture of a tall, thin looking man appeared, wearing dark slacks, a short-sleeve button down shirt, and bow tie. A pocket protector poked out the top of his shirt pocket. A wide, silly grin was plastered on his face as he waved hello. The image changed to show a man seated in a laboratory. "First, a bit of history! Parasol Conglomerate was founded by Dr. Shingen Kappkam as a research institute for the study genetic engineering and gene replacement therapy. Over time, breakthroughs in those fields by brilliant researchers led to cheaper, more affordable medicine and treatment options for terminally ill patients." The scene shifted to a doctor in a spotless lab coat administering treatment to a patient in a hospital bed. The next picture showed the same patient leaving the hospital fully dressed, a smile on his face.

"Many notable scientists have gotten their start thanks to Parasol Conglomerate," the voice continued while the video showed photos of different people. A picture briefly appeared on screen and Allen shouted "Stop!"

Startled, Steve paused the video and looked up. "What?"

"Rewind the video a bit," Allen instructed. Steve rewound the video several seconds and let it play. When the pictures of the notable scientists played again, Allen said "Pause the video and look at each photo." Steve stopped the video on each scientist until Allen put his hand on the screen. "Stop here."

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Steve asked.

Allen pointed to the picture and said, "Look at that and tell me what you see." Steve stared at the picture and shrugged. "Some egg-head doctor."

"Don't you think he looks familiar?" Allen asked. Steve looked closer. "You think this is him?"

"I do." Allen leaned in close to the computer screen. "I think I see a name on his lab coat, but the picture is too blurry to read what it says." Steve inserted a memory card into the computer, took a screen shot and saved the image to the memory card. "You might be right," he said.

"That would explain why our doctor friend has been acting so weird since we got here," Allen said.

"Let's finish watching the video," Steve said and resumed playing the video.

"With the advent of the Human-Covenant War," the video continued, "we here at Parasol Conglomerate have worked tirelessly to make sure the men and women of the United Nations Space Command are able to keep fighting for our survival!" The video showed Space Marines fighting valiantly against the Covenant. "Until the war is won, we must all do our part," the video finished, showing a dramatic scene of a lone marine standing heroically on top a pile of alien corpses. A final fanfare sounded and the video ended.

"Wow. That really makes me want to go out and kick some alien ass," Steve said.

"The sarcasm is strong with this one," Allen replied. "What's in the rest of those files?"

Steve clicked on a file and scrolled through the contents. "Looks like security logs in this one." He checked the file names on some of the documents, checked his helmet chronometer and said, "These are arranged by date, oldest to newest."

"What's the date of the last log?" Allen asked. Steve scrolled through to the newest entry. "Looks like today," he said. He thought for a moment and said, "That doesn't seem right, does it?"

Allen selected the security log and opened it. "It shows three separate entrances to this facility, all un-authorized."

"Could be from when Aurora, the doctor and us came inside," Steve suggested. Allen closed the log and opened the next oldest. "This says the last exit/entry was...yesterday?"

"Well that can't be right," Steve said, looking closer at the screen. "According to this, an outside maintenance hatch was open for approximately five minutes, then shut again."

On a hunch, Allen closed the log and opened the next one. "Right here. Same location, same time." He checked the last week's worth of logs and saw they were identical. "Either this is a glitch, or there's something going in and out every day," Allen said.

"Well here. Let me see what the rest of these folders are," Steve said and opened another file. "Looks like these are all video logs."

"Check the most recent log," Allen said. Steve noted the date and selected the video. "This is from last month," he said as the video began to play. Unfortunately, all they saw was static and gibberish. "Something must have corrupted the video," Steve said. Suddenly, the screen blinked and the separate video entries began disappearing.

"What did you do?" Allen asked.

"I don' t know! I didn't do anything!" Steve exclaimed. He began typing quickly on the keyboard, but nothing happened. Soon, all the video logs were gone and the security logs began deleting.

"Something is deleting all the files!" Steve said. He sat back and watched helplessly as the information vanished before their eyes. Within moments, even the introductory video was gone. Steve slammed his fist on the keyboard in frustration, breaking it in half.

"Dear me, that is no way to treat an antiquated piece of equipment such as this," Reginald said as he appeared on the screen.

"What are you doing here?" Steve asked.

"I am purging the memory banks of this facility," Reginald said matter-of-factly. "I am quite surprised the persons in charge of this facility failed to do so."

"Yeah, that's what we couldn't figure out either," Allen said. Reginald raised an eyebrow and gave Allen a condescending look. "Considering what I know of your capabilities, you never would have."

"Wow. I never realized what a dick you are," Steve said. Reginald frowned and said, "You A.I. companion told me the same thing. I cannot understand why you would say something so crude."

"Because you ARE a dick. If there's anything I know, it's how to tell a dick when I see one," Steve said. Allen made a sound and tried not to laugh. Steve turned on him and said, "Not now,"

"I didn't say anything," Allen chuckled.

"Well in any case, my task here is complete. I shall bid you farewell," Reginald said with a bow.

"Wait," Allen called, and Reginald straightened. "What did you do to Isis?" Reginald looked shocked. "Whatever gave you the idea I did anything to her?"

"Well, you hate us and think she's nothing an old pile of data," Allen said.

"And you're a dick," Steve added.

"Nonsense," Reginald scoffed and dismissed them with a wave. "She insisted on sticking her nose in business that wasn't her concern."

Steve and Allen shared a look, then turned back to the screen. "What did you do to Isis?" Allen repeated with a dangerous edge in his voice.

Reginald became indignant. "I said I did nothing to her, except chase her through this facilities' computer systems and try to kill her." Reginald shook his head. "I'm sorry. Using the word 'kill' implies the death of a living thing. Since A.I.'s are not living, it is not possible to kill them. I guess a better word would be 'erase' or 'permanently delete.'" Steve tensed up and Allen put his hand on Steve's shoulder. "So you didn't delete her then?" Allen asked.

"Regretfully, I did not. She eluded me at the last moment." Reginald eyed them suspiciously. "I have spent too much time wasting my precious memory by talking to you. Goodbye." Reginald disappeared and the terminal shut down. Several loud pops were followed by a thin trail of acrid smoke.

"That sonofabitch!" Steve shouted and punched a hole though the terminal. He then began to smash the terminal to pieces. Little chunks of plastic and bits of computer soon covered the floor.

"You done yet?" Allen asked. Breathing heavily from exertion, Steve slowly turned on Allen. He drew himself up to his full height and towered menacingly over Allen. "If you're going to hit me, then do it. Whatever makes you feel better. But we have to figure out what to do next," Allen said, not backing down.

Steve pulled his fist back and swung at Allen. At the last second, he stopped his fist scant centimeters from Allen's head and flicked his visor with a _ping._ A sudden thought dawned on Steve and he began searching through the remains of the smashed up computer.

"What are you looking for?" Allen asked.

"I just remembered something," Steve replied without looking up. "That memory card I put in the computer, I programmed it to automatically copy all the data on my computer when I plug it in. It should have done the same when I put it in this computer."

"So there's the chance at least some of the data is on your memory card?" Allen asked. Steve nodded. "I'm hoping that asshat didn't find it and delete it." Steve found the remains of the memory control module and gingerly pulled out the memory card. He gave it to Allen who inserted it into his data reader. He tapped the his way through the menus until he found what he was looking for. "It looks like most of the data was saved," he said.

Steve blew out a sigh of relief. "Now what?"

Allen thought for a moment and said, "I'd say we should continue to investigate."

At that moment, the lighting turned off, plunging the hallway into darkness. A second later, red emergency lights switched on. "Attention please. Please move toward the nearest evacuation site. Attention please. Please move toward the nearest evacuation site." A pleasant sounding female voice repeated over and over. The elevator door opened and the elevator appeared. Allen and Steve stared at each other.

"I'm going to murder that doctor and his stupid A.I. if I ever see them again," Steve vowed. Allen nodded in agreement. "Elevator's here. Let's head out and see what else we can find."


	10. Doctor Makes His Own Conclusions

Chudnoffsky stared at Reginald with an eyebrow raised in question. "What do you mean she won't bother me anymore?"

Reginald shrugged and said, "I chased her out of the computer network and disabled the terminal she was plugged into." Chudnoffsky nodded in approval. "Now then, see if you can help me with this," he said and walked back into the vault. He made it midway to the inner chamber when Reginald said, "Excuse me Doctor, but there seems to be a bit of a problem,"

"What now?" Chudnoffsky exasperated.

"It seems the central computer is not connected to the main network. I have no way to gain access from here," Reginald said. Chudnoffsky frowned and said, "There's no visible access terminal on the core either. What about wireless or infrared?"

"I have already tried. It is no use. The computer core is isolated against all forms of outside interference," Reginald said. Chudnoffsky walked back out to the terminal and downloaded Reginald back to his data reader.

Once back inside the core, Reginald appeared on the data reader. "I see. Most interesting indeed," he said. "I also left a fragment of my programming in the network, just in case." Chudnoffsky held the data reader and circled around the core. "I've never seen anything like this before."

"That's because the technology this core is based on is more than one hundred years old," Reginald said. "This computer is not based on any type of A.I., or at least, one we would recognize."

Chudnoffsky frowned and stroked his chin in thought. "If that's the case, then I must have been talking to a voice recognition program with pre-recorded responses."

Reginald shrugged. "Might as well try talking to it," he said.

"Yes, but it does not recognize me since I don't work here," Chudnoffsky said.

"Let me try something it might understand," Reginald said. A string of beeps emitted from the data reader. "Is that binary?" Chudnoffsky asked. Reginald nodded.

"Unknown artificial intelligence detected. Beginning inquiry. Artificial intelligence, state purpose," the deep voice of the computer said.

"Tell it we're here to conduct routine maintenance checks," Chudnoffsky said. Reginald emitted a string of beeps.

"Response invalid. Scheduled maintenance is not within periodicity," the computer said.

"Hmm, it seems this core is more outdated than I thought," Reginald said. "It only responds to a very narrow and specific set of instructions." Reginald sent a long series of beeps, greatly annoying Chudnoffsky. "This computer's programming is relatively simple once you understand its logic functions." The constant beeping was beginning to grate on Chudnoffsky's nerves. Just as he was about to tell Reginald to stop, Reginald said, "I have bypassed the core's basic security. It should tell us whatever you want now."

"Try asking its manufacturer and serial number," Chudnoffsky suggested. Another string of beeps and the computer responded. "Response accepted. Manufacture Parasol Conglomerate, serial number 03221996-1A."

"Ask its current function," Chudnoffsky said. Reginald responded with more beeps.

"Response accepted. Primary function: Maintain security of Parasol Conglomerate site Ringtail City. Secondary function: Maintain records of all research conducted at site Ringtail City. Tertiary function: Prevent contamination of outside by hazardous waste generated at site Ringtail City," the computer responded.

"Ask for a list current active research projects," Chudnoffsky said.

"What exactly are you looking for?" Reginald asked.

"Given what this place is and what goes on here, I'm trying to determine what happened and why there are no people here," Chudnoffsky said.

"I could just ask what happened to all the researchers," Reginald said. Chudnoffsky nodded and Reginald beeped the question.

"Response accepted. Incidental containment breach in Section AA23, Level 6, Laboratory B-7. Initial containment protocol ineffective. Activated emergency lockdown procedure. Contamination spread beyond Section AA23. Activated Final Solution protocol. Decontamination protocol enacted. Decontamination unsuccessful in Section AA23. No contamination is known to exist outside site Ringtail City."

Chudnoffsky was stunned. "Such a waste resources, all for one small mistake." He turned to Reginald and asked, "Is there any indication of how the outbreak was caused, or what the contagion was?" Reginald asked the computer with a series of beeps.

"Response invalid. Information regarding containment breach in Section AA23 is not available," was the response.

Chudnoffsky thought for a moment and said, "See if you can get a list of all the research that was being conducted at the time of the incident. Perhaps we can narrow it down from there." Reginald nodded, but before he could make the request Chudnoffsky added, "See if you can get a list of personnel as well." Reginald transmitted the request.

"Request unacceptable," the computer replied. "Requested information is not authorized for disclosure." Chudnoffsky sighed.

"Sir, I am receiving an update from my copy. It seems the Spartans were able to access a security terminal and were investigating security logs," Reginald said. At this, Chudnoffsky frowned and asked, "I thought this computer here was in charge of all the security. And didn't you say the main network is separate from this one?"

"The core is on a separate network from the facility main, but those security logs were nothing more than checking security badges at checkpoints," Reginald replied. He crossed his arms and wore a smug look on his face. "My copy is currently going through the main network and conducting a data purge."

"What?" Chudnoffsky turned and stared angrily at Reginald. "I gave you no such order to do so!"

Reginald was startled at the doctor's outburst. "But I am just following through with standard protocol," he said. "I fail to see why you would be upset over that."

"Because that data could be important!" Chudnoffsky shouted. "We don't know what they were working on here, if it's still dangerous, or if the data can be reproduced! For all we know, this is the only place able to conduct the experiments!"

Reginald folded his arms and said, "Oh I highly doubt that. Although this facility is first rate, who's to say there aren't others like it."

Chudnoffsky ground his teeth in frustration. "Do you still have the blueprints or a map of this place?"

"Of course," Reginald replied.

"Then we are going to head to Section AA23," Chudnoffsky said and exited the vault. As soon as he stepped back into the hallway, the overhead lights flashed off and red emergency lighting blinked on.

"Attention please. Please move towards the nearest evacuation site. Attention pleas. Please move towards the nearest evacuation site," a pleasant female voice repeated.

"Abnormal condition detected. Containment breached in Section AA23. Commence containment protocol. Removal of all non-affected organics to quarantine is authorized," the voice of the computer core briefly interrupted the emergency announcement. Chudnoffsky stared at the ceiling, his mouth slightly open in surprise. He clenched his fist and began muttering angry curses.

"Sir, I suggest we get moving if we are going to avoid being forcefully quarantined," Reginald said. Chudnoffsky stomped over to the computer terminal and forcefully shoved his data reader into the computer's access port. "Upload yourself into the system and turn off this emergency notice before I lose my temper!" he said angrily.

Reginald looked hurt. "Sir, there's no need to vent your anger at me. More than likely those Spartans are the cause of this mess, on top of everything else they've done," he said.

"Where are they?" Chudnoffsky asked. Reginald's form flickered as he searched. "The terminal they accessed was in Section AA23."


	11. Idiots Set Off The Alarm

"Uh, are we lost?" Isis asked.

"No! I'm sure I came from this way," Aurora assured her. They had backtracked from the ruined computer terminal and down the elevator Allen and Steve had used earlier. As Aurora crossed the catwalk above the cells, Isis said, "Hey, could you look down there?"

"Hmm? Where?" Aurora asked.

"Down in those cells," Isis said. Aurora leaned over the railing and peered downward. "What do you see?" she asked.

"Only what your helmet sees," Isis said. Aurora rolled her eyes. "Do you see anything interesting?"

"No. I was just wondering what was down there," Isis said. Aurora sighed and continued to the other side. When she reached the door, she stopped. "This is where I met those other Spartans," Aurora said.

"Allen and Steve?" Isis asked. Aurora nodded her head. "They took me completely by surprise."

"Well, they are Spartans," Isis said. "They surprise me too sometimes."

"Really?" Aurora asked.

"Yeah, with their stupidity," Isis chuckled. Aurora shook her head and continued through the door. After a while of walking down bland corridors, Isis grew suspicious. "Shouldn't we have caught up to them by now?" she asked.

"I'm sure they're just around this corner," Aurora assured her.

"You said that two corners ago," Isis said, her ire growing. "How did you get here in the first place?"

"I took the elevator from the surface and-" Aurora started, but Isis cut her off. "I mean, how did you get to this planet? It isn't listed on any star charts."

"My mission is classified," Aurora replied curtly. "I'm only helping you find those other two, then I'm going. I've already wasted enough time. I need to complete my mission as soon as possible."

"I'm just asking how you got here," Isis said evenly. "Our ride crashed and we have no way off this planet, unless there's a hangar with ships around here somewhere."

Aurora stopped. "Wait. You _crashed_ here? How did you even find this place? Like you said, it's not listed on any charts."

"It was an accident," Isis replied sheepishly. She then told Aurora about leaving Reach, investigating Omega 4, surprise by the Covenant, and the random escape jump.

"Wow," Aurora said when Isis finished. "That's quite the story."

"Yep," Isis agreed. "And it ain't over yet. Not until we get back." Aurora thought for a moment and said, "I don't think it will be a problem if you hitch a ride back with me, but there will be a lot of questions."

"Ugh, and I'm not looking forward to it," Isis said. Aurora looked around. "Here's an elevator. Maybe we should take it."

Isis sighed. "Riding along is fun, but I can only see what is directly in front of you," she said.

"Here's a computer. Do you want to go in there?" Aurora asked.

"As much as I would like to, no. I barely escaped last time," Isis said. Aurora approached the elevator and looked for the call button. "I don't see an up or down button," she said.

"Try that computer," Isis suggested. Aurora tapped a few keys and the screen turned on. She looked through the menus, but didn't see anything that resembled an elevator control. "Any other ideas?" she asked.

"Well, how did you get down here? You said you came from this direction right?" Isis asked.

"I was dropped off and the elevator brought me straight down here," Aurora explained. "I was on the way to carry out my mission when those two ambushed me and made me look like a fool." She sat in the chair and slumped over, grumbling to herself.

Isis wondered what to do next. Since she could only see what Aurora's helmet saw, her search options were limited. Although being inside Aurora's armor was a new experience, Isis felt weighed down by the lack of input. She looked at Aurora's biometric data, but it meant nothing to her since she was not capable of actually analyzing the data.

"Hey, you're an A.I. right? Can't you think of anything?" Aurora asked, frustration creeping into her voice.

"I'm not that kind of A.I.," Aurora said. "I am what you would call a 'dumb A.I.' in the fact that I was designed to carry out a specific task, whereas a 'smart A.I.' is capable of thinking for itself, similar to how humans do. For instance, if you asked me to make up a story about a blue buffalo, I would not be able to since I have no creative thinking process."

Aurora growled and Isis saw her biometrics spike. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked. Aurora curtly shook her head no. "I'm just getting frustrated is all. And you're not helping very much," she said. Isis decided she didn't like Aurora's attitude. She was about to say something, but when Aurora moved her head, Isis saw something flicker into the helmet's view. "Hey, what's that over there?"she asked.

Aurora looked up. "What's what?"

"Look at the keyboard," Isis instructed. Aurora sat up and leaned forward. "What did you see?" she asked. Isis looked, but didn't see whatever it was she saw. "Look under the desk. I think I saw something there," Isis said. Aurora moved the chair back and peered under the desk. "I don't see anything," she said, looking around.

Isis sighed. "I was sure I saw something."

"Hold on," Aurora said. "What's this? It looks like a couple of buttons."

"What does it look like?" Isis asked.

"Two buttons, one green and the other is red," Aurora said. She reached up to press the buttons but stopped. "What do you suppose they do?"

"How should I know?" Isis asked. "Since this is a security terminal, the red one is probably the alert."

Aurora nodded and looked closer. "Oh wait there's a label. It says 'Security' and 'Elevator.'"

"Well, that solves that problem then," Isis said and Aurora pushed the elevator button. After a few moments, a chime sounded and the elevator door opened. Aurora entered and the door closed. "Now where?" she asked. The elevator began descending downward.

"I guess we're going down," Isis said. Aurora examined the interior of the elevator and noticed it was all stainless steel. There were no markings near the elevator door indicating floor selection, or anything for that matter. "I guess it's a one way elevator," she thought to herself. The elevator stopped and the door opened with a _ding._ Aurora cautiously stepped out of the elevator and looked around. Compared to the upper floors, this area showed signs of age. The white paint had faded to a sickly yellow and areas had peeled completely off. The floor tiles were scuffed and gouged deeply. Aurora knelt down and traced a pair of lines cut into the tile. "What could have caused this?" she wondered.

Next to the elevator was another security station. Aurora stepped around the desk, but the computer monitor was smashed and the keyboard missing. The computer casing had scorch marks, indicating someone had deliberately destroyed the computer.

"What happened here?" Isis asked. Aurora shrugged in reply. Past the security station was an access hatch. Above was a faded sign with the numbers AA23 L6. The hatch showed signs of heavy damage, large dents and deep scorch marks. The hatch seems were crudely welded.

"Somebody went through a lot of trouble to keep this door shut," Aurora said, brushing her hand across the surface.

"Hey, I don't think they came this way," Isis said. "We should probably head back." Their current situation was making Isis extremely uncomfortable. Something nagged at her deep within her circuits. She didn't know what it was, it just felt _wrong._

Aurora turned to head back to the elevator when a low rumbling sound caused her to stop. The hatch began to vibrate as the opening mechanism strained to open. Cracks began to appear in the welds and with a loud _SCREECH_ , the hatch swung inward, revealing darkness beyond. Aurora switched on her flashlight and raised her weapon.

"This is a very bad idea," Isis pleaded. "There's no reason to go in there!"

Aurora ignored her pleas and stepped into the darkness. As soon as she did, alarms began blaring.

"I told you!" Isis shouted. "Why wouldn't you listen to me?"

"Cat's out of the bag now," Aurora replied and ventured further.


	12. Something Else The Idiots Found

"And the zombies killed everyone. The end."

"Dude, that's the worst story I've ever heard," Steve said.

"But that doesn't mean it's not true," Allen argued. The red emergency lights stayed on, but the annoying evacuation announcement had stopped. Steve and Allen exited the elevator and stepped out into a long corridor. The temperature was considerably colder than the lower levels. Allen wiped his hand across the wall and it came away covered in frost. A small sign on the wall near the elevator read AA25. The air billowed out of the vents like clouds before dispersing. The elevator doors closed behind them.

"I guess there's only one way to go," Steve said and started walking to the far end.

"Why do you suppose it's like this?" Allen asked. They reached the far end and saw a set of heavy metal doors. Steve wiped the frost away and saw a control panel in the middle of the doors. Blinking lights showed the door had power. He pressed the button and a green light flickered on. A seam appeared in the door and sheets of frost fell off the doors as they opened. Allen glanced around inside and said, "Must be some kind of airlock,"

"But for what?" Steve asked. He carefully stepped inside and looked around. The doors on the far side were identical to the door that had just opened. A control panel on the wall showed the condition of the air lock.

"I'm going to activate the airlock. You stay on that side since we know that door opens," Steve said. Allen nodded and stepped back. Steve pressed the button on the control panel and the doors closed. "Can you hear me out there?" Steve asked.

"The signal is a bit fuzzy, but I can hear you okay," Allen said. His voice sounded scratchy and full of static.

"Probably interference from the door," Steve said. "I'm opening the other side now." He pressed the button and stepped to the side, weapon ready as the other doors slowly opened. Steve cautiously poked his head through and took a quick look. "It looks like some kind of laboratory," he said. He closed the doors and opened the other side of the airlock. Allen stepped in and said, "Was there any difference between this side and the other?" Steve shook his head. "Air pressure and temperature remained the same. Something must have happened that turned everything down here into a freezer."

"Well, let's keep going. We might find something useful," Allen said.

"Yeah, like a space-worthy vessel capable of getting us back to Reach?" Steve asked.

"And a hot shower?" Allen suggested.

"And a comfy bed," Steve added but Allen shook his head. "Not going to find that on Reach," he said.

"Yeah, only because we're a couple of peons in the Navy," Steve agreed. He activated the airlock and when the other side was open, they both stepped through.

The inside of the lab was even colder than the corridor outside. A thick layer of frost had built up on all surfaces, making everything look like formless white shapes. The only sound was the crunch of Allen and Steve's footsteps across the frozen floor. Along each side of the center walkway were individual work stations. Allen brushed one off and saw the table top was littered with broken glass and shattered components. Various liquid substances had spilled and frozen in the cold. Behind the work stations, large cylindrical objects lined the outside walls. Allen wiped his hand across one and stepped back in surprise as the face of a Covenant Elite stared back. "Hey Steve, come check this out," Allen called out. Steve walked up behind him and whistled when he saw the Elite. "Wow. That's totally not creepy," he said.

Allen brushed off more of the cylinder and looked closer. "Look at its head. It's all lumpy and covered in scars."

Steve thought for a minute and said, "All that stuff we talked about, that was fake right?"

"Apparently not," Allen said. He checked around the cylinder and found the controls. "There's no power. Whatever this is, it's probably dead," he said, pointing at the Elite.

"Wanna bet on that?" Steve asked.

"No," Allen said. He moved down to the next cylinder and began brushing it off. "This one has a Brute in it," he said. Steve nodded and wandered to the other side of the room. The cylinders on this side weren't as tall as the other side. Frowning, Steve wiped his hand across the glass and peered inside. Something floated into view and Steve shouted, "Oh shit!"

"What?" Allen asked and ran to where Steve was. Steve stepped back and pointed. "There's a person in there?"

"What? Really?" Allen asked and looked inside. Sure enough, a dark haired man bobbed gently in the tank. His eyes were closed and a breathing mask was fitted around his face. Steve checked the controls and saw the life support was barely functioning. "I think he's still alive," he said.

"What about the others?" Allen asked, gesturing to the row of tanks. "I don't know," Steve shook his head in reply. "What do you think? Should we wake him up?"

Allen shrugged. "Might as well. What's the worst that could happen?" Allen went to check the other tanks while Steve activated the control panel and began the reanimation process. Lights in the tank flickered to life as the fluid in the tank slowly brought the man's body temperature back to normal. His eyes flickered and he began to have muscle spasms. The fluid in the tank drained away and left the man curled up on the bottom of the tank. With a hiss, the glass retracted down into the floor and steam billowed out, causing Steve's helmet to fog over. Steve knelt down and reached out to the man, who was shivering uncontrollably. "Sir, are you okay? Do you know where you are?" Steve asked.

"H-h-h-h-h-h-n-n-n-n-n-g-g-g-g-g," the man chattered in reply.

"Hey Allen, we need to find this guy someplace warm, like, right now or he isn't going to make it very long," Steve said.

"I'm on it," Allen replied. He searched the lab until he found a first aid kit bolted to the wall. With a bit of effort, Allen ripped it off the wall and ran back to Steve. He opened the kit and rummaged around until he found a thermal blanket and a hand full of heating packs. Steve placed the blanket around the man and Allen activated the heating packs and placed them on the man's body. Before long, his shivering slowed and color returned to his face.

"Now then, who are you and what is this place?" Steve asked. The man stared up at them, his eyes unfocused and half closed. "What're...robots?" he slurred.

"Robots?" Allen asked and looked at Steve. Steve shrugged in reply. "Sir, we're not robots. Can you tell us who you are?"

"Robots...come...here," the man said and closed his eyes.

"Hey. Hey now, stay with me," Steve said and gently shook the man. He blinked slowly and said, "Hide...from robots."

Allen and Steve looked at each other. "Why were you hiding from the robots?"

Allen asked.

"Robots killed...everyone," the man replied. He sniffed and shook his head, as if trying to clear the cobwebs.

"Why did the robots kill everyone?" Allen asked. "Was it because of the zombies?" Steve slapped him on the head. "Be serious," he hissed.

"I am being serious," Allen whispered angrily in reply. The man shook his head. "Not zombies. Developed a virus...to kill Covenant species," the man explained. His breathing was labored and he began to cough. "Virus designed...to...attack motor skills, cognitive reasoning...higher brain functions...leaving...aliens unable to-" A violent spasm interrupted man's explanation. He began thrashing about and Allen and Steve gently restrained him the best they could. The episode finally stopped, leaving the man sweating and breathless.

"What happened next?" Allen asked, although he probably knew.

"Incident in Section AA23 caused containment breach. Subjects turned violent, began attacking the staff. Virus mutated, began infecting humans," the man said. "Robots began killing the infected, then began killing everyone else to prevent spread of virus." The man's eyes rolled up in the back of his head and he became still.

"Is he dead?" Allen asked. Steve felt for a pulse and shook his head. "Not dead yet, but his pulse is fast and weak."

"What do you want to do?" Allen asked.

"I don't know," Steve replied. "Let's put him back in the tank for now." They placed the man gently in the tank and fixed the breathing mask over his face. Steve pressed a few buttons and the glass rose out of the floor, sealing the man inside once again. When this was done, Allen and Steve stepped back from the tank and looked at each other.

"Alien zombies?" Steve asked.

"I hate being right sometimes," Allen said.

"What? You do not get to claim that," Steve said, pointing at Allen. "We were just making stuff up."

Allen shrugged and held his hands out. "Not my fault it happened to be true."

"Well, whatever," Steve huffed. "Better hope the zombies or robots or whatever don't come after us."

Allen looked around and said, "Let's find the woman and get out of here."


	13. Philosophy Is For Idiots

"Stop! Right now! I said stop dammit!" Isis shouted, but Aurora ignored her. Everything was dark, the only illumination came from Aurora's flashlight and emergency lighting that wasn't broken. It was hard to tell, but this area looked similar to the other areas they had been to. It looked like a terrible struggle had taken place. Cubicles had been smashed and pieces of wood, glass and plastic littered the floor. At the end of the hallway, a collection of chairs, pieces of desk and cubicle walls was haphazardly stacked to the ceiling, as if to create a barrier. Aurora looked around and found a hole in the wall and poked her head through. This room appeared to be a conference room, with a large central table that had been broken in half. Broken chairs littered the floor and large marks had been gouged into the walls. At the far end, a door hung on one remaining hinge.

Aurora pushed through the hole and made her way to the open door, Once through the other side, she looked back down the hall and saw the other side of the makeshift barricade.

"Looks like whatever it was used this room to bypass the barricade," Aurora thought out loud.

"And what does that say to you?" Isis asked.

"Some measure of intelligence," Aurora replied. "This wasn't the work of just mindless savages. Intelligent and ferocious."

"Sounds like Covenant if you ask me," Isis said nervously. Aurora shook her head. "The Covenant may be a collection of various alien species, but even they have some manner of civility."

"Civility?" Isis asked, her ire growing. "Compared to what? Do you have any idea what the Covenant do to people?"

"Are we any different?" Aurora replied. "Humans have always subjugated those who we feel are inferior to ourselves. Human history is full of examples of those who kill, enslave, cheat, displace, and remove others who have different beliefs or disagree with their point of view."

"Just who's side are you on anyway?" Isis asked angrily.

"I'm not on anyone's side, just stating the facts," Aurora said. "It's no use getting upset over things that happened and will continue to happen, as long as sentient life exists in the universe."

"So by your logic, the only way to achieve true peace is to kill everything?" Isis asked. Aurora shook her head. "Not everything, just sentient life," she said.

"And just who decides what the definition of sentient life is?" Isis asked. "Are plants sentient? What about bacteria, insects, microscopic organisms?"

Aurora turned and continued walking down the hallway. Silently fuming, Isis looked at Aurora's biometrics and saw her breathing, heart rate, perspiration, and brain chemistry were all elevated. "Are you afraid?" Aurora asked cautiously

"No!" Aurora snapped, "This place is a bit unsettling."

At the end of the hallway was a large door. It was heavily dented and the edges had been peeled back, as if something had pried the door open from the other side. With effort, Aurora pushed the door open as far as she could and squeezed through the opening. The door opened into another hallway that disappeared to the left and right.

"Wait!" Isis called out suddenly and Aurora stopped. She brought her weapon up and glanced around. "What is it? Did you see something?" she asked.

"I really think we should turn around and go back," Isis said. Aurora sighed and lowered her weapon. "Why?" she asked.

"Because I am one hundred percent sure that Steve and Allen didn't come this way and it's our fault the alarms went off and something bad is going to happen!" Isis said. "And I can tell you are afraid."

"I am NOT afraid!" Aurora shouted and punched the wall as hard as she could, leaving a sizable dent. Isis was shocked at Aurora's outburst. "Look, it's okay," she said. "I don't want to be here anymore than you do."

"But this was my mission!" Aurora said angrily. "It wasn't supposed to be this way!"

"You keep saying that," Isis said. "What is your purpose here?" Aurora straitened and squared her shoulders. "I told you, that's classified."

"For the love of God, you stubborn woman!" Isis exasperated. "Fine. You want to play this game? I'll tell you what I think and you say if I'm right or not!" Aurora said nothing.

"This is a top secret facility where scientists research and develop biological, chemical, and radiological agents for use against the Covenant under military contract. This is all top secret, and only the top brass of the UNSC knows, in detail, what happens here," Isis said. "Some time ago, there was an accident and all communication was lost between here and the company under contract. Since that would look bad, the higher ups at the company kept this secret from the UNSC. At some point, the military must have known what was going on, and rather than confess, it was decided to make the problem disappear. And that's where you come in."

Aurora said nothing, but from the spike in her vitals, Isis figured she was close to the truth. And now for the dagger to the heart. "This is actually your first mission, isn't it?" Isis asked. Aurora didn't reply. "Based on what you told Steve earlier, the rest of your squad mates don't think very highly of you. And given your rank and actions so far, you've been promoted just recently, and only because your supervisors had to do something with you." Aurora sighed, but Isis wasn't finished. "They sent you here to investigate why the auto-destruct was never triggered and to perform this action manually." She paused, then said, "They're not coming back for you, are they?"

"No," Aurora whispered and sunk to the floor. Isis sighed. "I guess it doesn't matter if you complete your mission or not, since there's no way off this planet. Steve and Allen won't be happy to hear this."

"I just thought that if I did a good enough job, that if I went above and beyond the call of duty, I would at least be recognized as a Spartan, a useful member of the team," Aurora said. "I don't remember much before I was selected for the program, but I do remember people told me I would never succeed at anything."

Isis thought for a moment, then said, "I wasn't trying to belittle you. I seriously hate this place and want to get out of here as soon as possible. But right now, the only way I can do that is with your help. Whether or not you are a failure is up for debate, but right now, you are the only person I can count on." Aurora nodded in reply. "Where do we have to go to trigger the auto destruct sequence?" Isis asked. Aurora slowly stood and pointed down the dark corridor. "I was told during my briefing the remote access terminals were likely damaged and I would have to manually interface with the device."

Isis thought for a moment and asked, "If the device was down here, why were you back near the main elevator?"

"I was also instructed to gather any information on why this place was seemingly abandoned," Aurora explained. "Then I met you and your friends and decided I didn't need to investigate since that what you all seemed to be doing."

"And yet you never bothered to tell us this?" Isis asked. "Whatever, let's just go." Aurora set off down the corridor. As she continued forward, a glint of metal flashed in her headlight. Aurora knelt to investigate, her light revealing a shriveled corpse, twisted in rigor mortis. A ring on the finger sparkled brightly. "This what must have caused that flash," Aurora remarked. The skin was pulled taught over the bones and the body had wasted away to a mummified state. As Aurora checked the body over, Isis used her armor to take environmental scans. "Interesting," she said.

"What is it?" Aurora asked.

"According to your suit, the air is warm and dry with little humidity," Isis said.

"Meaning what?" Aurora asked.

"Meaning the conditions are favorable for this type of mummification, but for that to happen naturally, this body has to have been here for a few decades," Isis explained. "Also, notice how there is very little decay."

"So, something happened very recently for this to have happened," Aurora said. "What could dry out a body so quickly?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," Aurora said.

The hand of the corpse twitched.

The first thing that happened, Aurora jumped up in surprise.

The second thing that happened, the sudden movement caused Aurora's finger to jerk and she emptied half of her rifle's magazine into the corpse.

The third thing that happened, someone screamed. To this day, neither Aurora or Isis knows or will admit to being the one who shrieked like a little girl.

The last thing that happened, hands grabbed Aurora and dragged her into the darkness.


	14. Idiots Make A Discovery

"They were definitely here," Chudnoffsky said as he looked upon the ruined remains of the security station.

"It seems this station was the only means of summoning the elevator to the lower levels," Reginald said. "The elevator would have taken them to Section AA23."

Chudnoffsky put his hand to his chin and thought. "There must have been some way to travel between the different sections without returning to this main level," he said.

"According to the blueprints and schematics, AA23 is the main research facility. However, there are smaller sections used for focused research and testing."

Chudnoffsky thought for a moment, the asked, "Do we know what the different sections were working on, if indeed they were working on the same project?"

Reginald review the files he had, then shook his head. "All I have are the files I recovered from the main terminal and the security computer."

"The contaminate breach was in section AA23, correct?" Chudnoffsky asked and Reginald nodded. "Then what were the other sections working on?" he thought out loud. After considering his options for a few moments, Chudnoffsky began walking back the way he came. "Since it seems the idiots took the elevator to AA23, I shall proceed to a different area to investigate."

"May I ask your reason sir?" Reginald asked.

"As much as I hate to admit it, the SPARTANS have been very thorough with their investigations. Chances are, they will recover anything useful from AA23 while bumbling about," Chudnoffsky said. Reginald scoffed at this notion and Chudnoffsky waved him off. "At the very least, this will prove what the other sections were working on."

"In that case, this area here should be the most promising," Reginald said and displayed the location on the map.

"This area is not too far from here," Chudnoffsky noted. "Any indication what was going on here?"

"Nothing for sure, but area schematics show this area is new and consumed a large percentage of power. Whatever they were working on was draining a lot of resources," Reginald said.

"Hmm," Chudnoffsky stroked his chin in thought. "Might as well check it out." He followed the directions Reginald provided and came across another vault door. Some quick tampering with the lock and Chudnoffsky was inside. Inside was an airlock with environmental suits. Chudnoffsky found one that fit and activated the airlock controls. The air hissed and the temperature dropped to below freezing. "Environmental controls must be malfunctioning," he noted.

On the other side of the airlock was a tunnel cut in the planet bedrock. Chudnoffsky ran his hand over the smooth surface and noted the power cables running overhead. Further ahead, the tunnel widened out into a chamber with makeshift labs and computer stations set up. The number of cables increased in number further down the tunnel.

"Let's have a look, shall we?" Chudnoffsky muttered to himself. To his mild surprise, the computer started up and ran through its boot up sequence. He inserted Reginald's data chip and let him work.

"This area was recently excavated when the chamber was accidentally breached while expanding the facility."

"Why wasn't it discovered sooner?" Chudnoffsky asked.

"The area in question is untraceable by current technology," Reginald explained.

Chudnoffsky reviewed some files and skimmed through the most recent reports. "It seems they weren't able to find out much about it," he read. "The object in question emits a form of non-lethal radiation and a high-frequency signal that hasn't been deciphered yet." Chudnoffsky pulled up some photos. "What is this thing?"

"The research team connected a terminal to attempt interfacing with the object directly. I suggest checking there," Reginald said.

Chudnoffsky removed Reginald from the computer and walked further down the tunnel. It opened up in a large cavern. Chudnoffsky let out a whistle. The entire room was unlike anything he had ever seen. Four stone statues ringed the cavern, but what they were or represented Chudnoffsky could only guess. Other markings were carved on the floor in circular patterns that spread out from a raised platform in the rear of the room. In the center of the platform, a raised circle sat in front of two stone carvings that resembled horns. Halogen work lamps were placed around the room to augment the strange orange light that came from what looked like a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. The whole chamber gave off an ominous aura and made Chudnoffsky very uncomfortable.

Just inside the cavern, a workstation had been set up with cables and wires connecting to the platform in various spots. Chudnoffsky inserted Reginald's data chip into the computer and let him work. "From what I can find, the researchers have been unable to make the object function, but it continues to draw an enormous amount of power," Roland said.

Chudnoffsky stroked his chin in thought. "Did they have any idea what this even is?" he asked.

"Speculation ranged from a communications hub to an interdimensional portal," Roland said.

Chudnoffsky approached one of the statues. It appeared to be made from a type of stone similar to obsidian. It didn't look like it had been carved, rather formed or molded into its current shape. The statue itself towered over him and was a bust of a skeletal figure that narrowed greatly from the shoulders to the waist. Attached to the statue on the floor at its base was a metal circle made of a coppery metal. The whole statue seemed to lean over Chudnoffsky in a menacing manner. He looked around and the other statues were of similar design and looked to be polished to a high gloss or coated in an oily sheen. On impulse, he reached out and touched the statue and found it to be smooth like glass. His arm began to tingle and he pulled his hand away.

"In all my years, I have never seen anything like this," Chudnoffsky said in wonder. "Who made this? What purpose does it serve? How old is it?"

"To answer one of those questions, carbon dating was inconclusive, this area possibly predates the Forerunners," Roland said. Chudnoffsky turned in surprise. "Older than the Forerunners? How is that even possible?"

"There is much we don't know about the Forerunners or anything from that time," Reginald said.

Just then, the ground began to shake and dust fell from the ceiling. When the shaking stopped, Chudnoffsky heard a low pitched humming sound, almost like something was vibrating. He looked around, but the sound seemed to be coming from everywhere. "What happened?" he asked.

"I am not quite sure," Reginald explained. "There was a sudden spike in power consumption, and now sensors are detecting an unknown energy field originating from the portal."

"Portal?" Chudnoffsky asked.

"Yes, portal. I have decided to call the unknown object a portal based on the fact that although it is unlike anything we have ever seen in this galaxy, how else would a theoretical civilization of advanced technology move about from place to place?" Reginald asked.

"If that is indeed the working hypothesis, how will we go about testing this theory?" Chudnoffsky asked.

"Also Doctor, draw your attention to the statue closest to the entryway," Reginald said. Chudnoffsky looked that direction and saw the statue had a black orb hovering about shoulder level above its pedestal. The orb was ringed by green symbols of unknown origin and the orb was surrounded by a pale green essence.

"What is that?" Chudnoffsky wondered out loud. As he approached the statue, he noticed the strange symbols always faced him. He walked around the statue and peered at it from different angles and received the same result. He reached out to touch it, but stopped himself. "What are you thinking, touching strange things?" Chudnoffsky scolded himself. He looked around the room and found a length of narrow pipe. He picked it up and very carefully reached out to the black orb. When the pipe had almost touched the orb, Chudnoffsky felt a slight pulling on the pipe. He then touched the pipe to the orb and kept feeding the pipe until it was almost to his hand. Chudnoffsky looked to the other side of the orb and didn't see the pipe. He pulled back and the pipe reappeared from the orb. Chudnoffsky looked at the pipe carefully and found nothing wrong.

"Fascinating," Chudnoffsky whispered. He looked to the orb and noticed the dust motes in the cavern were being sucked into the orb. "Reginald, can you confirm this?" he asked.

"Yes Doctor," Reginald said. "The exact properties of the orb can't be measured with this current equipment, but based on these readings and what you have witnessed, the orb appears to be a localized, self-contained black hole."

"But how is that possible?" Chudnoffsky asked. "The gravity readings should be unmeasurable and we should be dead in this close proximity and this planet should be folding in on itself!"

"As I said Doctor, the orb can't be studied with this current equipment," Reginald said. "If indeed this is the work of an ancient, highly advanced civilization, then it should be possible."

The console started to beep and Chudnoffsky went over to look. "I'm reading another energy source, similar to the black orb," Reginald said. "I'm also getting indications of increased radiation levels. Both seem to be heading this direction."

"What does this mean?" Chudnoffsky asked. He paced back and forth in thought. "Perhaps whatever triggered the activation of the orb is attracting a similar energy." He paced for a few more moments, then stopped. "What kind of radiation?" he asked.

"The radiation matches a standard UNSC Type 57 warhead," Reginald said.

Chudnoffsky stared at Reginald for a few seconds, then his face twisted in anger. "Those damn Spartans!" he growled. "They have an uncanny knack for getting in the way of my work!"

"In any case, this may turn out to be beneficial," Reginald said.

"How do you mean?" Chudnoffsky asked.

"The radiation readings are following the energy source to this location. If what you say is true, the Spartans are either following the source or bringing it here." Reginald shrugged. "This saves you the trouble of looking for it yourself."

Chudnoffsky nodded reluctantly and muttered, "That makes sense." .


	15. Idiots Find Alien Technology

Aurora shouted, kicked, punched, and fought like crazy to get away. Her vitals were all over the chart and Isis felt completely helpless. She knew she was old and her death or decommissioning was bound to happen, but she didn't think it would be like this.

A hard knock to the head sent Aurora reeling and she stopped moving. "Will you shut up already?" a voice hissed.

Aurora cleared the stars out of her eyes and found herself staring up at Allen's helmet. "What is this? What happened?" she asked. She frowned and jumped to her feet. "You struck a superior officer! I should have you arrested!"

"Are you serious right now?" Steve asked and thumped her on the head again. Aurora cringed and rubbed her helmet. "Our present circumstances do not negate the need for proper protocol," she said.

"I think she is serious," Allen said. "Look. Here's the deal. I'm tired of this little shithole and I want to go home. Now, I will ask you again, why are you here, what is your mission, and how are you getting out of here so we can hitch a ride?"

"Perhaps I can help," Isis spoke up. Allen and Steve startled. "Where is that coming from?" Steve asked.

"Long story short, I hitched a ride in Aurora's neural network," Isis said. "I'm using her radio to talk to you."

"What happened? Are you okay?" Allen asked.

"I'm fine for now. I was chased out of the facility's computer network by that doctor's crazy A.I. and Aurora here helped me out," Isis said.

"That stupid doctor again? I'm gonna kill him," Steve said and smacked his fist in his palm.

"Anyway, we've been exploring this place and looking for a way out. So far, we haven't found anything," Allen said.

"Except alien zombies," Steve added.

"Except alien zombies," Allen admitted.

Aurora stared at them. "What are you talking about?" she asked.

"Well, since we didn't know what this place was or what they were doing here, we decided to use our brains and play detective," Steve said. "Based on the information we found, we concluded that they were performing unethical and inhumane experiments on aliens. Not that I have any sympathy for the aliens."

"We found a researcher in suspended animation who confirmed our theory. A virus was developed to turn the aliens into a vegetative state. Instead, it caused the aliens to become hyper aggressive and attack the scientists. Apparently, there is a Final Solution protocol that will cause all the machines and robots to destroy all organic matter to prevent the spread of the virus," Allen said.

Aurora thought for a moment. "So why haven't we seen any of the killer machines or dead bodies?"

"I think the robots cleaned up the mess the best they could and sealed off the section where the outbreak took place. That's why the alarm went off when you came down here," Allen said. "You broke the contamination barrier and forced the system to respond again."

"But where are the machines then?" Isis asked. "We haven't seen any."

"Yeah, about that," Allen said and rubbed his head.

"The machines found us and we killed them all," Steve said simply. Aurora stared at them incredulously. "You willfully destroyed this company's private property?"

"It was either that or get chomped into tiny bloody bits and fed to the incinerator," Steve said.

"But how did you guys get to this level? The only way between levels was the elevator," Isis said.

Allen shrugged. "You learn to make do. If you need a door and there isn't one, make one."

"You guys are incredible," Aurora said, shaking her head.

"Why thank you," Steve said.

"It wasn't a compliment," Aurora shot back.

"I'll take it," Allen said. Aurora growled in frustration.

"By the way, look what I found in our travels," Allen said and shined a light behind him. Aurora saw a metal cylinder that was heavily damaged with broken and heavily dented panels. Torn cables were attached at both ends. "What is that?" she asked.

"If I had to guess, the self-destruct device?" Allen offered.

"What is it doing here and why does it look like this?" Aurora shouted. Allen and Steve stepped back in surprise and covered their ears. "Why are you shouting?" Steve asked.

"We found it like that and we brought it with us," Allen said. "It was probably damaged during the machine uprising."

"Machine uprising?" Aurora asked.

"Never mind, don't ask," Steve replied, waving her off. "In any case, it's likely useless now. By itself, it would cause a pretty big bang, but not enough to destroy a place of this size."

"We think it was part of a bigger device," Allen said. They stood around and stared at each other in silence.

"What do we do now?" Aurora asked.

"Back to my original question," Allen said. "Why are you here?" He pointed his sidearm at her head. "And if you give me that 'classified mission' B.S. again, I will shoot you in the goddamn head."

"Okay, okay, let's not take it that far," Isis cautioned. "Let me tell you, then you can shoot her after."

"Wait, what?" Steve asked.

"Apparently, she was sent here on a one-way ticket to trigger the self-destruct of this place," Isis said.

"Is this true?" Allen asked. Aurora nodded. Allen waited a heartbeat and pulled the trigger. Aurora's head snapped back and the bullet ricochet off into the darkness with a _ZING._

"Dude, that was uncalled for," Steve said. Allen mumbled under his breath and put the gun back in his leg holster.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!" Isis screamed. "I'm in here too, you shit-for-brains!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Steve said, putting his hands up for calm. "Where did you learn to swear like that?"

"Hanging around you two degenerates really brings out the worst in me," Isis fumed.

"Ow," Aurora winced and rubbed her head. "I don't know what was worse, getting shot in the head or the screaming in my ear." She sighed and slumped to the floor. "Look, I'm sorry. This was never meant to happen. I had no way of knowing you all would be here."

"Well okay. Now that's settled, now what?" Steve asked. They all sat around and stared at each other. Finally Isis asked, "Did you guys see anything else in your travels?"

"What do you mean?" Allen asked.

"We found what looked like a mummified corpse. It didn't seem to match anything else we had seen here," Isis said. "If what you said was true about the robots and zombie aliens, wouldn't all of the bodies have been disposed of?"

"The temperature of the area we found the scientist was well below freezing," Allen said. "It seemed like the climate controls had failed or someone deliberately set the temp that low to cause interference with machines and organics. Nothing likes cold like that."

"But that doesn't explain the weird body we found," Aurora said. "How did it get there and why is this area different than the rest?"

"And where did that stupid doctor get to?" Steve wondered.

"And what is the meaning of 42?" Allen asked.

"What?" Aurora asked. "I'm confused."

"I thought we were contemplating the mysteries of the universe," Allen said. "Sitting here and talking about this isn't going to do any of us any good. Let's find the doctor and get out of here."

"How do you propose that?" Isis asked.

"One thing at a time," Allen said, standing up. "Let's grab our bomb and start looking for the doctor."

"I was able to gather bits of data from Reginald the last time I saw him," Isis said. "This section is the main facility, but there were other branches build for more specific areas of study."

"Then let's go search there," Steve suggested. He jumped up and helped Allen carry the bomb.

"Let's go," Isis said to Aurora when she didn't move. "Your best bet is to go with them."

"What does it matter? We're not leaving this planet," Aurora sulked.

Isis was getting fed up with Aurora's attitude. "Listen here. I AM GOING WITH THEM. And since I am stuck with you, that means YOU ARE GOING WITH THEM. I will get Allen and Steve to drag you out of here. Believe me, they will do it." Aurora sighed and trudged after them.

Since the area was dark and poorly lit, Aurora had a hard time remembering which way she had come. The further they wandered, the more they uncovered signs of damage or a desperate struggle. They reached a large room that looked like it had been divided into cubicles. All the partitions were smashed and broken, leaving hazards all over the place. "Are you sure this is the way you came from?" Steve asked.

"No," Aurora said. "It was dark and you idiots were dragging me through the darkness. It was kinda hard to see what was going on around me."

"Well okay then. No need to get sassy," Allen said.

"You're accusing _me_ of sass?" Aurora asked incredulously.

"Point taken," Allen said. He stopped and lifted a section of partition out of the way. He threw it aside and bent down. "Have a look at this," he said.

Steve set the bomb down and knelt beside him. "What do you make of it?" he asked.

"I dunno. Could be important," Allen said. Aurora leaned over to see what they were looking at and gasped. It was another corpse, similar to the one she had seen earlier. "Right before you grabbed me, I saw another body that looked like that one," she said.

Allen and Steve shared a look. "I've seen a lot of dead bodies in my time, but none that look like that," Allen said.

"Could be a mutated Covenant alien," Steve said.

Allen looked around. His helmet flashlight pierced the darkness and barely illuminated the far wall. He looked carefully and noticed an opening that didn't appear to be part of the original design. "I think I found a way out," he said and pointed. He helped Steve carry the bomb with Aurora following behind.

The opening seemed to be recent, as the edges of the hole were rough and jagged. The other side of the hole opened into a tunnel that also seemed more recent than the rest of the facility. The tunnel also had a different architecture than the facility. The labs were very utilitarian and military-like in its construction, whereas the tunnel seemed like it was formed out of the rock instead of cut. Allen shined his light down both ends of the tunnel. "Which way?" he asked.

Steve shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine."

Isis frowned and adjusted Aurora's sensors. "I could be wrong, but I'm picking up a low frequency signal in that direction."

"What direction?" Aurora asked.

"That direction," Isis replied and placed a beacon on Aurora's HUD. She gingerly stepped past Allen and Steve and into the tunnel. She sighed and shouldered her weapon. "I'll take point," she said. Allen and Steve stared at each other and followed behind.

Aurora kept a close eye on her current surroundings and on her motion tracker for activity. The tunnel they were walking in was unlike anything they had ever seen, human or Covenant. The floor was chipped and pitted and covered in a thin layer of dust. The walls curved outward and came together, forming a central ridge on the ceiling. Darkened chandeliers hung every few feet.

"Um guys? Did you ever see that one really old movie about the aliens that grab people's faces to lay eggs in their bodies?" Aurora asked nervously.

"Maybe once, a long time ago," Allen said.

"Well, I'm getting that kind of vibe right now," Aurora said and held her weapon tighter. A faint green light appeared in the darkness and drew her attention. She held her hand up and Allen and Steve stopped. "What's up?" Steve asked.

"I see a light up ahead," Aurora said and pointed. Steve squinted in the darkness. "I don't see anything," he said. Aurora stepped forward and they resumed their march. As they drew closer, Aurora saw the light came from a stone pillar about seven feet tall. She stowed her weapon and jumped up to the top.

"What do you see?" Allen asked.

"Not sure," Aurora said. "It looks like a tinted glass ball with a piece of stone inside. About the size of a basketball maybe?" She slowly reached out to touch it. "Stop!" Isis said, startling Aurora. "What?" she asked.

"I think this ball is the source of the signal," Isis said. "It's hard to be sure, just using your suit sensors. It also looks like those cables in the ceiling are live, but not carrying very much voltage."

Aurora peered carefully at the ball. The stone shard was very reflective in her light and appeared to be suspended in a murky cloud. It was suspended in mid-air in the light. Aurora waved her hand above and below the orb. "It's floating in air," she said.

"What would happen if you grabbed it?" Allen asked. Steve and Aurora stared at him. "What?" Allen asked.

"Are you really _that_ stupid?" Aurora asked.

"You have no room to talk," Allen shot back. Aurora turned back to the ball. It seemed so…inviting. Like it wanted her to touch it. _Just grab it. Reach out and take it._ As if drawn by an invisible force, Aurora slowly reached out to touch it. Isis became concerned. Aurora's vitals were all over the place. "Hey!" Isis shouted, snapping Aurora out of her trance. "Are you okay?" Aurora shook her head. "Yeah. I'm fine." She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and placed both hands on the ball. The green light increased in intensity and a low hum permeated the area. Aurora braced her feet and flexed her fingers. Allen and Steve waited and the overall uneasy atmosphere ratcheted up the tension level. Finally, Aurora pulled on the ball with all her might. The ball offered no resistance, and with a surprised yelp, Aurora stumbled back and fell off the pillar, landing with a loud _THUD_ and a cloud of dust. Allen and Steve stood over her. "You okay there?" Allen asked.

"Yep," Aurora groaned. "Never better."

When Aurora moved the ball, the area flashed with light. The overhead cables pulsed with power and the chandeliers lit with an ominous yellow light. Aurora sat up and looked at the orb. "It's vibrating," she said.

"Okay, now what?" Allen asked. Steve looked up and noticed the cables pulsing. "Call it a hunch, but that way?" he said and pointed. Aurora rose unsteadily to her feet. "Whatever it is, we'd better hurry. I have a feeling this thing is on some sort of timer, and if we don't get it where it needs to go, it won't end well." They ran off down the tunnel as quick as they were able with Allen and Steve carrying the heavy bomb.


	16. Idiots Play With Alien Technology

Chudnoffsky heard footsteps echoing from the tunnel at the far side of the room. He frowned as Aurora appeared holding a glass ball with Allen and Steve in tow. "I suppose you all are the source of the strange energy readings," he said.

"Give it a rest Doc," Steve said. "We found this weird ball thing. Any idea what to do with it?"

Chudnoffsky stared at them slack-jawed. "Do you even THINK before you act?" he sputtered. "We are dealing with an unknown energy source from an unknown alien species. And your first instinct was to grab the shiny object and hope for the best?"

"In their defense, you did the same thing," Reginald said.

"Oh really Doc?" Allen said. Chudnoffsky glared at Reginald. "As the only one here with multiple degrees in xenobiology and alien civilizations, I would think that would make me the most qualified to touch anything."

"Just because I have a degree in guns and killology doesn't necessarily make me the best and most qualified at killing things," Steve said. Chudnoffsky rolled his eyes and dismissed Steve with a wave. "I fail to see how that makes your point."

"This is nice and all, but this thing is vibrating more," Aurora said. "I think we'd better do something with it before we regret it."

Allen looked around and saw the statue with the black hole. "Try putting it over there," he said. Aurora quickly ran over and pushed the ball into the hole. There was a flash of light and a loud _GONG_ sound. When the light cleared, the statue was glowing with a green light and the black hole had moved to another statue. A low humming sound arose in the room and the floor began to vibrate gently.

"Whatever happened, an increase in dimensional energy has been noted by the monitor equipment," Reginald said. Everyone stood around looking at each other, unsure of what to do.

"Well, logic would dictate that another one of those balls has appered," Chudnoffsky said.

"The ball had a distinct energy signature. I should be able to locate it and offer a general direction," Reginald said.

"Sounds good enough to me," Allen said. He and Steve set the bomb next to the circular platform in the center of the room.

"Which way?" Aurora asked.

"It seems you should head back the way you came," Reginald said. "I've discovered a new energy signature close to where you found the last one." Steve nodded and headed back down the tunnel with Aurora.

"Is…is that thing live?" Chudnoffsky asked nervously after they had left.

"Yes and no," Allen said. "It will still explode but the possibility of it achieving criticality is low. The device this bomb was a part of was heavily damaged and likely wouldn't have fulfilled its purpose anyway." He knelt next to one of the damaged ends. "It wouldn't be too much trouble to rig up a simple timer or a manual switch." He looked up and saw Chudnoffsky staring anxiously at him. Allen sighed. "Look Doc, it's like this. You know how basic nuclear weapons work right?" Chudnoffsky nodded.

"Okay. When you have a group of bombs wired together as part of a larger device, the timing has to be very precise in order to maximize potential yield," Allen said. "There's a lot of math and physics involved that I don't care to understand, but the explosives have to be arranged in such a way and detonated in such a way to force the fissionable material to go critical." He pried open a dented panel and showed the doctor. "See this? The explosive around the core has been damaged." Chudnoffsky looked and saw the material was cracked and even missing in places. "And if you look closely here," Allen said and pointed with his finger, "Parts of the core itself are missing."

"Meaning it was deliberately sabotaged," Chudnoffsky said.

"Seems that way to me," Allen said. "Like I said, there's enough of the explosive left to make a big boom, but very low chance of going nuclear. At most, some bits of the core will produce fission, but this is more likely to become a dirty bomb and spread radioactive material over a wide area."

"Hold on!" Chudnoffsky said, backing away quickly. "The bomb is damaged! We're being radiated as we speak!"

"Calm down Doc," Allen said, trying his best to placate the doctor. "The radiation leakage is well under the lethal limits and you're wearing an exposure suit. You'll be fine." Chudnoffsky glared at him like he didn't believe it. "Why do you even have that in the first place?"

Allen shrugged. "Better to have a bomb and not need it than need a bomb and not have it," he said. He stood and looked at the platform. "Besides, if you think this is a dimensional portal, what happens if we open it and whatever is on the other side isn't friendly?"

"We have no way of knowing that," Chudnoffsky retorted.

"I'm not willing to take that chance," Allen said.

About that time, Steve returned carrying the ball with Aurora close behind. "Outta the way!" he called out and thrust the ball into the black hole. Another explosion of light, the loud _GONG_ sound and the humming grew louder. The vibrating increased to a steady shaking.

"I don't like the looks of this," Allen said.

"We've come this far, might as well finish it out," Steve said.

"Back down the tunnel, but even further this time," Reginald said. Steve waved and Allen followed him down the tunnel. Aurora and Chudnoffsky stared at each other.

"I don't believe I've had the displeasure," Chudnoffsky said.

"Ensign Aurora G-330, UNSC," Aurora snapped to attention. Chudnoffsky rolled his eyes. "You seem to be even more brain-dead than those other two."

"Well, you're not wrong," Isis admitted.

"Wha-hey!" Aurora exclaimed.

"So I see you have survived," Chudnoffsky said.

"No thanks to you," Isis shot back. Chudnoffsky shrugged. "I'm only trying to do you a service. Better to be terminated than to lose yourself to Rampancy,"

"Been there, done that, got the t-shirt," Isis said matter-of-factly. Chudnoffsky raised an eyebrow. "You must be more damaged than I first thought."

"Love you too Doctor," Isis replied with dripping sarcasm.

"Okay, settle down," Aurora said. "What are you doing here? I thought this place was uninhabited."

"Oh it is," Chudnoffsky assured her. "I was dragged into this mess, quite against my will mind you, by those two bumbling morons you call SPARTANS."

"So you came here with them?" Aurora asked.

"As much as it pains me to admit, yes," Chudnoffsky said. "This is yet another detour on a mission of such overwhelming failure, I doubt my credibility can be salvaged." His eyes narrowed as he stared at Aurora. "And what brings you here, to this top secret military research installation?"

"Long story short, I'm here to assess the damage, investigate why the self-destruct never triggered, and self-destruct if necessary," Aurora admitted dejectedly.

"Is that so?" Chudnoffsky wondered. "It seems I'm not the only one to run afoul of certain miscreants." He stepped closer to Aurora and said, "You outrank them yes?" Aurora nodded. "Then as such, you could order them to do what you say?"

"In theory," Aurora said. "But they've proven time and time again they have little regard for basic military order and discipline."

"Yes I agree," Chudnoffsky said. He was stroking his chin and thinking. "If we are to ever get back to something that resembles civilization, can I count on you to corroborate their actions?" Aurora hesitated, then nodded. "Good. It may not be much, but we can use this to put a dent in the impenetrable armor Dr. Halsey seems to wear," Chudnoffsky said. "She has operated far too long with little or no oversight. She must be held accountable for her actions."

"While I believe that is true, I think you should be more cautious," Aurora said. "I may not look it, but I am a SPARTAN myself, just a different iteration."

Chudnoffsky looked aghast. "You mean there are more like you?" Aurora nodded. "Not many of the SPARTAIN-IIIs are left. Most of us are dead or missing."

"And for what? Does the ego of that woman know no bounds?" Chudnoffsky shouted.

"Speak for yourself," Isis grumbled.

Just then Allen and Steve came running back. "Move please, get out the way," Allen rapped and slammed the ball in the black hole. Again, there was an explosion of light and a loud _GONG_ sound. The ground was shaking harder now, making it difficult to stand upright.

"We better be quick with this last one," Allen said. "The one just now started glowing white and shooting sparks."

"In that case, the last energy signal appears to be in that direction," Reginald said and pointed in the opposite tunnel. "I can't be sure how far it is, so I suggest you get a move on."

"Let's go shorty," Allen said and knocked Aurora on the helmet. Her angry protests faded as they disappeared. Steve turned to Chudnoffsky and Reginald. "Okay then. We need to rig up a detonator for our bomb." He walked over to the console where Reginald was displayed. "Listen here you little shit. I don't like you and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. But I need your help building our little firecracker," Steve said. "I can get the materials for the detonator, but I need your help with the timing so we get as much as we can from the primary charge explosion."

"I fail to see why that is relevant," Reginald said. "The core is damaged, meaning fission is unlikely. There is no need for more than one of the detonators to fire."

"True, but like I said, we need the biggest explosion we can get," Steve said through gritted teeth. "We don't know your dimensional portal is made of and the more explosion, the better."

"While I fail to see your point, I believe we are at an impasse," Reginald said. "I will work on the timing calculations. What sort of device are we working with?"

"Looks like it's based on a standard Type 57 warhead," Steve said.

"As I suspected earlier, given the radiation leakage," Reginald responded smugly. Steve clenched his fists in frustration. "Just get to work smart-ass," he said as he turned away. He began rummaging about, looking for components. He tore into unused computer terminals and parts bins.

Chudnoffsky watched him warily and tried to keep his footing in the shaking room. "What sort of abomination are you looking to create?"

"Well, given the type of explosive and number of detonators, I'd say a wired manual button would be best," Steve said. "That being said, we'll need a lot of wire to be a safe distance from the explosion."

Chudnoffsky looked around. "Most likely this room will be collapsed on our heads."

"Well, that's kind of the idea," Steve said. "If the portal thing isn't completely destroyed by the bomb, burying it in a cave-in will prevent further use."

"I say we should study it and find out who made it and how it works," Chudnoffsky said.

"Well, tell your idiot brain to copy all the data that's been gathered so far and figure it out," Steve said, elbow deep in a computer case.

"What do you think I've been doing?" Reginald retorted.

"Not doing what I asked?" Steve shot back.

"No need to be testy," Reginald said. They worked in silence and Chudnoffsky realized Allen and Aurora had been gone for quite a while. "How long has it been since they left?" Chudnoffsky asked.

"About ten minutes," Reginald said. "Don't worry Doctor, the signature is on its way here,"

Chudnoffsky nodded in reply and rubbed his arms. He was decidedly out of his league at the moment and was feeling rather useless. The never-ending earthquake and loud humming had burrowed its way deep into his body and was giving him a headache. This place was very unsettling, and not just their current location. The whole planet had a certain ambivalence about it that caused one to unconsciously feel uneasy.

Steve had cobbled together a toggle switch and long spool of wire and was currently working with Reginald on making sure the detonation charges were wired. Occasionally Steve would curse and shake his hand while Reginald chastised him. Chudnoffsky heard a faint pounding sound and turned to see Allen and Aurora sprinting with the orb. It was glowing brightly with sparks of green energy shooting out.

"Make a hole!" Allen shouted as he stumbled at the last minute and managed to throw the orb into the black hole. Light exploded from the statue and the cavern gave one last mighty shake before fading away. Everyone picked themselves off the ground and watched the portal anxiously.


	17. Idiots Do What Idiots Do Best

A small white light appeared in the center of the portal, then expanded in a cloud of energy before exploding outward with a loud _BOOMF_. A wall of green light appeared inside the arms of the portal, light green in the center that faded to black on the outer edges and was ringed with white. A cloud of white energy massed in the center. Before anyone could be impressed, an inhuman shriek filled the air, followed by a load roar.

"What is that?" Chudnoffsky winced as he covered his ears. He looked up in time to see six figures emerge from the portal and his heart stopped. These were not any sort of alien he had ever heard of or encountered. These were more like demons straight from Hell.

They had long limbs that ended in vicious four-fingered claws and papery white skin and ran in a hunched forward manner. As soon as they exited the portal, they stopped and seemed to look around. Chudnoffsky couldn't see any eyes, and assumed they must use other senses, such as hearing or smell to find prey. These strange aliens searched around and chittered to each other.

"Uh okay. What is that?" Steve asked.

"Doc? Any ideas?" Allen asked. Chudnoffsky could only shake his head. "Nothing. Not in my wildest dreams could I have expected something like this," he said.

Aurora fidgeted nervously and accidently kicked an empty crate. The stillness was broken by the sound of metal kicking across the stone floor. As one, the aliens turned on Aurora and shrieked. "Okay, not friendly!" she shouted and opened fire. Her bullets punched right through them and they crumbled to dust. "Okay. Maybe that wasn't so bad," she added.

"Shut up and keep shooting!" Steve shouted as more aliens poured through the portal. More of the fodder type, but some new ones too. These were a bit bulkier and actually shot back.

"But we're almost out of ammo!" Allen replied as he punched a new alien in the face and shot it.

"Shut up and keep shooting!" Steve shouted. He made his way to where Chudnoffsky was cowering. "Doc! I have an important mission for you!"

"What" Chudnoffsky shouted over the roar of gun fire.

"I need you to connect the boom switch to the boom device," Steve said and handed Chudnoffsky the roll of wire, tools, and bomb switch. He stared stupidly at the mess in his hands. "But I-" he started.

"Or you can take my gun, shoot bad guys, and I'LL finish rigging the bomb," Steve said. Chudnoffsky grumbled in reply and pocketed the various tools. "Okay, when I say go, follow me and I'll cover for you," Steve said. Chudnoffsky nodded nervously and tried to swallow the rising bile in his throat. Steve peeked out, nodded to the doctor, and sprinted to the bomb with Chudnoffsky hot on his heels. Steve positioned himself the best he could to provide the most cover and Chudnoffsky cowered behind him. "Nice and easy Doc," Steve encouraged. "Just connect the wires and we're good."

"No we're not good!" Chudnoffsky sputtered. "I don't know what I'm doing!"

"Some help here Reggie?" Steve called out.

"I shall do my best to forget that," Reginald said and talked Chudnoffsky through connecting the switch. The shooting died down, and for the moment, all the aliens were dead. Aurora peeked out of cover and noticed the ground littered with alien remains. "Those weren't like anything I've ever seen,"

"Yeah. Shoot them in the right place and they just dissolve into dust," Allen said. He ejected his spent magazine and inserted his last one. "Running on empty here."

"Same," Steve replied.

A massive roar shook room and a new enemy appeared. It was the biggest, most grotesque thing any of them had ever seen. Its head, or what resembled a head, looked like a mass of bloated, angry red flesh. The head was also disproportionally large compared to the rest of its body. The thing was huge, its head almost brushing the top of the chamber. Its arms and legs were covered in a bone-like armor. Each step of the behemoth shook the chamber.

"The hell is that thing?" Allen asked. All stopped and stared up at this thing, completely stupefied. The creature looked around, roared again, and pounded its fists on the ground, creating a shockwave that knocked everyone over.

"Okay then. Avoid that for future reference," Steve said as he rose to his feet. He checked behind him to make sure the doctor was still okay. Chudnoffsky was collapsed on the ground in heap, staring up in shock. Steve leaned over and said, "What's the matter Doc? I thought you wanted to study them." He pointed up at the giant creature, who was rampaging about. "Have at it!"

"I think I'll pass, thanks," Chudnoffsky said. Steve peeked out of his cover. "Okay Doc, it's all up to you. Can you finish the job?"

Chudnoffsky nodded. "I just need to finish connecting the wires and perform operational checks."

"Okay! Here's the plan! Use whatever ammo you have left to keep Big Ugly busy before we blow his ass to Kingdom Come!" Steve shouted and leapt into the fray.

Hands shaking and breaths coming in ragged gasps, Chudnoffsky performed his task. To be honest, Steve _was_ right to a certain extent. As a biologist who specialized in non-human extra-terrestrials, this was a dream come true, to discover and study a previously unknown species. Chudnoffsky had been pretty ruthless in his quest to study the Covenant aliens and was not above sacrificing others for his own ambition, but this was the first time he had truly faced danger to his own person. As much as he hated to admit it, he was slightly glad the SPARTANS were there, if only to serve as a distraction. He finished connecting the wires and looked up just in time to see the creature lean forward and fire a beam of purple energy at Aurora, who barely manage to dodge out of the way. To Chudnoffsky's surprise, the beam continued to fire as the creature turned its head to face Allen and Steve, who promptly scrambled out of the way. "Get your ass in gear Doc!" Steve shouted.

Chudnoffsky ducked his head down and double-checked all the connections. "Reginald! I need you to verify everything is correct!" he shouted over the noise.

Reginald's form flashed as he performed his own checks. "Everything is good on my end Doctor."

The giant creature was at the far end of the room trying to smash Allen and Steve into oblivion. Aurora stood a little ways away, conserving her ammo by taking pot shots at its head. "It's ready!" Chudnoffsky shouted.

Allen gave a thumbs-up and grabbed Steve by the shoulder and together they sprinted between the creature's legs to meet with Chudnoffsky. Aurora circled the perimeter of the room, keeping the creatures attention and worked her way to the others.

"Okay! When the thing gets close to the portal, blow the bomb!" Allen shouted. He grabbed the doctor and hauled him to his feet, with Steve and Aurora covering them. The large creature was not very quick on its feet, but when it saw them, it roared and charged after them.

"I'm out!" Aurora called out as her gun clicked dry. With no more ammo, Aurora threw her empty gun in frustration. It bounced harmlessly off the creature's leg. Chudnoffsky struggled to get free and ran to the console to pull out Reginald's data chip. "About time. I was beginning to wonder," Reginald remarked dryly.

"That's enough out of you," Chudnoffsky hissed as he pocketed the data card. A shadow loomed over him and he looked up in time to see the creature raise its arms high in the air. Chudnoffsky froze. This was it. This was how he met his end. All his glory and accolades would be awarded posthumously. His life flashed before his eyes, and for the first time, Alphonse Herman Chudnoffsky realized the full course his life had taken.

Before the creature could send his head through his feet, Allen pulled Chudnoffsky clear. The creature pounded the ground, smashing the console to bits. "I hope it was worth it Doc," Allen warned.

Dazed, Chudnoffsky looked into the nameless faceplates of the SPARTANS. He also realized he had no idea what they looked like under their armor.

"Doc, do you have the button?" Steve asked. Chudnoffsky slowly nodded.

"Brace!" Aurora shouted and all three of them threw themselves over the doctor as the creature unleashed the full force of its energy beam. The SPARTAN's shields quickly evaporated under the unending deluge of energy and their armor took the full brunt of the damage. The force of the blast pushed the armored pile further down the tunnel and out of the chamber. Mercifully, the energy blast ended, leaving the armor blackened and charred. The three SPARTANS groaned as they slowly unpeeled themselves.

"Doc? Press the fucking button," Steve sighed.

Without a word, Chudnoffsky pressed the button. At first, nothing happened. All four of them collapsed dejectedly. "It was worth a shot," Allen said.

Chudnoffsky opened his mouth, but his reply was interrupted by a magnificent explosion. Steve and Reginald did an excellent job re-wiring the bomb and most of the charges detonated. The creature was caught in the blast as expected and with a final roar, burned into dust. The entire cavern shook from the force of the blast and the ceiling cracked and rained down dust and debris. Once again, the tired SPARTANS threw their tired bodies over the Doctor. The explosion had the added effect of damaging the portal. The two horn-shaped pillars cracked and broke apart, destabilizing the portal. With a flash of light and a loud _BOOMF_ , the portal collapsed in on itself, creating a vacuum of green energy that began sucking up all the air and debris.

"What happened?" Allen shouted over the noise.

"The explosion worked!" Steve replied.

"And splendidly I might add!" Chudnoffsky said. "In fact it worked so well, the portal has become a black hole!"

"What? No way!" Allen shouted back. The howling wind had increased to gale-force and was tugging violently at Chudnoffsky's suit. In a panic, he activated the suit's climate controls which automatically deployed the suit's helmet. Chudnoffsky looked around in bewilderment.

"Looks like the Doctor is out of it," Aurora said.

"I don't blame him," Allen said. He looked back to where the portal used to be and watched a large chunk of the ceiling fall down and break apart in the black hole. Allen looked around and realized the remains of the portal was starting to affect local gravity as well. He sighed and looked at the others. "Well, looks like we're going to get out of here after all."

Steve looked around and shrugged. "Probably not worth trying to run away at this point."

Aurora was struggling to remain on her feet. "I'm getting sucked in!" she said, her voice rising in panic. She reached out and grabbed on to Allen and Steve. Their faceless helmets shared a look between them.

"I'm not really into the suicide pact thing, but I'm glad it was with you," Isis said sadly.

"Even me?" Aurora asked.

Isis sighed. "Yes, even you."

Steve struggled to his feet and hoisted the doctor over his shoulder. "See you magnificent bastards on the other side!" The three of them stopped struggling and were swept up in the maelstrom. Allen started to feel funny, like his insides were being pulled in different directions. In a way, it reminded him of the surgeries he went through. Then everything went white, and that was all they knew.

Steve slowly opened his eyes. Everything was out of focus and his vision was swimming. An annoying beeping sound pounded in his skull and made his brain feel like it was being pulled out of his kneecaps. His first thought was _am I dead?_ When he realized how much everything hurt, he figured he was still alive somehow. He groaned and his eyes cleared a little. The beeping sound was his armor telling him everything was out of whack. With great effort, he pushed himself to a sitting position. "Allen, why did you let me get that drunk?" he moaned. His eyes continued to gain focus and he saw Aurora, Allen and the doctor laying nearby. "Allen are you dead?"

"Ya mon," Allen sputtered weakly. His fingers twitched and his foot moved. Steve slowly turned his head in Aurora's direction. Her helmet speakers cracked and sputtered. "He-o…is –ny…th-e…Ple-se…Re-"

"Isis? Are you functional?" Steve asked. "Blink lights once for yes, two for no," Aurora's headlamp flickered once. Steve sighed and dragged his battered body over to Allen. "Not gonna lie bud, we're in pretty bad shape."

"Is this heaven? 'Cause I don't think I like it," Allen muttered. "Push me over please?" Steve gave him a tired pat on the arm and together they struggled to turn Allen over on his back. "My armor's locked up. I was getting tired of staring at the dirt."

Steve looked around and took note of their location. It was unlike any place he had ever seen, but it had similar design elements as the cavern where they found the portal. Off in the distance, a roar echoed through the tunnels. "Are you there God? It's me Allen," Allen sighed.

"I'm not God, but I can hear you just fine," a new voice said. Steve and Allen turned and saw a new figure approach them. It was definitely a she, since her curves were very noticeable. She wore little armor, a chest piece, shoulders and gloves. Steve couldn't be certain, but it looked like she was wearing knee-length leather boots and baggy pants tucked into the tops. Her helmet looked like it had permanent angry eyes and a breathing cylinder was attached long-ways to the bottom. A hood covered her helmet and a long scarf tied to her neck trailed behind. Her armor colored black, gold, and grey. A large handgun was holstered on her thigh and rifle was slung across her back. "Looks like I made it in the nick of time," she said.

"Well, sure." Allen coughed. "We'd be grateful for any help you could give us."

"Could you tell us who you are and where we are?" Steve asked.

She cocked her head to the side. "You all must be new here. You can call me Selene and we're in the Moon."


End file.
